Been 2 years SI free and still want to :-/

So I used to have a problem where I went through this serious fit of depression which made me resume cutting and then added burns to my list , ended up making an attempt on my life which was almost successful. I ended up in a coma for a day and was committed for a week. Since that incident 2 years ago I have been SI free. Now things in my life seem like they are slipping away and I feel like SI'ing again. The urges are very strong and occasionally comes with suicidal ideation . I Don't have insurance and I don't want to end up getting committed again.
What should I do

Make and use a list of things you can do instead of si. Also, write a list of reasons why you shouldn't si. I don't know if you're religious or not, but basically all pastors do free counseling. They arn't trained for it necessarily, but it can help just to have someone to talk to.

You don't want to know whats first on my things to do other then SI list, however even when writing the reasons not to I still want to do it. I had an incident a week ago where I accidentally burnt myself grilling and it just brought up a lot of feelings. I would say that sparked it all at that point, I've been trying to deal with my stress however I'm getting closer and closer to my breaking point :-(. I really would like help but I think it would be more of a burden if I do, I have a career that doesn't look too kindly to all of this. So a surprise commitment would be devastating to me right now

Bump lol, had a minor slip up, wasn't very serious at all very superficial, still very unnerving though :-/

Do you have anyone you can talk to? Or make a promise to that you will not hurt yourself? I've heard that this helps some people.

Also you can find a replacement behavior. Write in a "stream of consciousness" and don't stop for 5-10 minutes and just write whatever pops into your head but don't stop. Some people like popping rubber bands on their wrists or holding ice when they feel like hurting themselves. Go for a walk if you have the energy. Or just talk to someone-anyone. You don't even have to talk about hurting yourself. Talk about anything.

I know these may not help, but they have helped me occasionally in the past. Stay strong. Keep posting on PC.

Nomad

Your first post on this thread was 5 months ago. You were doing okay until yesterday?