[littlemssunshine]

So I have been doing really well with recovery, but because of my inability to focus (I was recently diagnosed with ADD and will be getting help in the form of medication in two weeks), I had a total emotional breakdown today. I couldn't get my assignments done and I always get everything done, even though I end up having to force myself to get a big chunk done close to the deadline since my focus is TERRIBLE every other time I attempt to be productive.

Anyway, I have been having intense urges and overwhelming thoughts of SI again. I am an emotional person but I rarely cry. Today, I was sobbing for over an hour straight, shaking, rocking back and forth, and eventually I started digging into my skin with my fingernails (which did get me to stop crying and become numb). I didn't cut myself (it's been almost 11 months), but I felt so anxious, depressed, disappointed, upset at myself, and out-of-control. I haven't felt this overwhelmingly terrible in a long while and I just am disgusted with myself. For not being able to focus. For not being able to be a better student. For not being able to control my conditions. For wanting to hurt myself as an instant response to anything going wrong.

I talked to my therapist and told her everything as it was happening, and she was SO helpful and guided me through everything. I am just struggling to forgive myself and I'm so disgusted now that I couldn't fulfill some of my responsibilities that the cutting urges are stabbing at my thoughts. I started crying again but I am mostly hurt + angry at myself.

I just needed to get it out. I felt like I had made so much progress but today felt like I was having a mental breakdown all over again. Thanks for listening.

[Miswimmy1]

I also used to dig my fingernails into myself. It becomes like cutting: it's addictive. If you can help it, I would really try not to do that. Because it only gets harder to quit only saying that from personal experience.

As someone also with anxiety and add, I would luv to give you as much support as I can I know how overwhelming it can be. Breathe. Take breaks. The sooner u begin medication, the better. I actually found that getting my ADHD under control almost eliminated my anxiety...

I agree with Miswimmy
Once I started my Adderall, I got off the anti-depressants, my anxiety improved, I ate less, my sleep improved greatly. 6 hours sleep for me now is better than 9 hours from the pre-Adderall days. Hang in there and keep posting

[Miswimmy1]

Oh another thing: remember how much success u hav had. Think about how far you've come. When you are feeling overwhelmed, try writing down your emotions and thoughts. It helps sometimes to get it all out there. And then u can also bring it to t the next time you see her/him.

In the meantime, and until you get on medication, take it easy: only do what is vitally nessisarily as far as responsibilities go for school. Make sure you are getting enough rest (8+ hours if possible). Eat all three meals. Both of those can affect concentration and help keeping your mood as stable as u can until your medicated.

[littlemssunshine]

Thank you so much, both of you. These are great tips. I just burst out crying from how kind you two are. Thank you. I am going home in two weeks to get on ADD medicine and I am hoping that it provides the relief that I need to get on track and alleviate my anxiety by helping me to focus. I am just overwhelmed. I can do this.

Thank you so much. I needed this.

[Miswimmy1]

Yes, u can!

It's so great that you have been diagnosed. Thats half of it... Once you start medication, I am sure u will see significant changes in concentration, which should reduce anxiety as well and help u be less overwhelmed. The great thing about stimulant meds are that they work quickly... U know right away if it's helping or not. you just gotta stay strong for two weeks... U can do it!!! And we all will be here the whole time... In the meantime, vent away...

Once again, I agree with Miswimmy (Shocking, I know ) I knew my life had changed 30 minutes after my first Adderall. It was amazing... Like I felt good for the first time in my life.

Stick with what you need to do, for now... Keep it Simple Most of us ADDer's like to help people and end up over-committed and stressed out. Focus on yourself. Write down what "Has" to be done each day. You can do it