[lenjan]

Ohhh, man. Here's one I don't think I've ever seen in here before!

I haven't cut in 11 months (yay me!) -- but the urge always comes up in times of undue stress -- and I'm really, really stressed out right now, and agitated as can be. And I'm itching to cut.

BUT, ... I'm on blood thinners!

I don't necessarily want to bleed to death, I just want to relax and calm down, and the way I get rid of over-the-top feelings is to head for a blade. But I'm also not eager to land my sorry behind in the psych ward (or the ER).

Maybe I just need to go to bed and it will all look better in the morning. I always thought I'd quit because I wanted to -- having the decision made for me by a pill, sucks! And I can't promise I won't just do it anyway.

ARGH.



Candy

[gurlbballgurl]

I hope things are better for you wjen you get up

Candy I made it through yesterday and so I bet you can too! I am pulling for you over here and I totally know what you mean.

I am exactly the same.

[sujunew]

((((((((((candybear))))))))))
I know I have been of no support to anyone for the past while, but I am sending you lots of kind thoughts and hope you can get through this rough patch. 11months is huge (I think I am at 2 weeks at the mo!) so I hope that you can stay strong and make it to a year. You are nearly there, and what an achievement that would be. Hang in there xxx

[bipolar_bear]

I hope things look better to you this morning and you were able to resist cutting. It sounds like it could be very dangerous to you right now and I hope that you will be able to do what is best for you. Please be kind to yourself.

[walkswithspiritbear]

(((((((((candybear))))))))))))) hang in there... lay down for awhile and let your mind free itself.. Leave the blades in the drawer under the papers where they belong... Sending alll the good vibes i can to you, wanting to let you know that besides me you have lots and lots of friends here, the stress will pass..... Linda

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((Candybear))))))))))) im so sorry you are struggling. i am pulling for you always. i'm here if you need to vent or talk things through. take care.

[Elfgirl]

(((hugs))) I hope you are feeling better. I know that dealing with urges is a difficult thing, but hang in there. If you went so long without SI, I know you can do it! By the way, of course it sucks that you have to stop cause of the meds not cause you want to, but I hope you can make a commitment to wanting to recover, too.

[lenjan]

Since I started these meds, I've gone in every 2 days to get my levels checked. Since Friday, it's gone DOWN -- by a good bit -- instead of up. We don't know why.

The goal is to get me to clot within a range of 20 to 30 seconds (which apparently is an abnormally long time). To test your level, they prick your finger -- the whole thing looks just like a diabetic glucose meter.

The finger stick is the size of a pinhead. Yesterday it took me FIVE MINUTES to stop the bleeding from it.

Nope, guess I won't be cutting anytime soon. Still sucks that I no longer have the option! I guess I'll just have to get myself addicted to Xanax instead. ;-)

Thanks for all the hugs and help.

Love, Candy