How did your friends/family find out and how did they react?

I'm going to stop cutting. I keep on telling myself that, but I really want to. I don't like trying to cover it up. I first cut on my hip, then have made quite a few on my upper arm these past couple of months before realizing that I'm going to be required to wear short sleeves and strapless dresses starting in December. That still didn't stop me, a couple times this week, I really felt a need to do it. Part of me wants someone to talk to about it IRL, but I can't even bring it up to my T. When I talk about days that I cut, I either say I just cried, or I'll say I don't remember. I'm so embarrassed about it.

The biggest reason is that I don't like having to hide it, and always worrying about my scars being seen on my arm. I've been putting in so much energy and worry into hiding it, and it is making me unhappy. I don't really care about my hip, I just wish I never cut my arm. Getting found out is inevitable, and I don't think I can handle it. The thought is terrifying. Part of me wonders if I should just tell my parents, or if I just need them to find out. What have other people done in regards to telling/having their friends and family found out? How did the people in your life react? I feel like no matter what, it will end badly. I once started hitting myself with hard objects in front of my mom (don't really know why, I just needed to feel pain, and she wouldn't leave) and she cursed at me and called me an idiot. My scars are going to take a while to fade, and won't go away completely. She's going to be furious, and she's probably going to find me out within the next couple of months because I won't be able to hide it - even makeup isn't foolproof because it rubs off and it doesn't change the texture of my scars. Unbelievably upset with myself. Not sure what to do.

I ended up going to a dermatologist and got some cream which helped to fade my scars; it took a while though. I am sorry your mom called you an idiot when that incident with the hard objects happened. That is probably not helping with your nerves about her seeing the scars on your arms in the next few months.

If you are unable to see a dermatologist without her knowing, you could just let her know they are there, and let her know you really don't want them to be seen, and that you are upset with yourself about cutting on your arms? (easier said than done, but that's what I had to do with my mom and she actually helped me find a dermatologist.)

I hope this helps? Good luck...oh and people in my life reacted mixed. I lied and said I fell and got all scratched up, some people acted like they believed me, others looked at me like they knew and they pitied me which pis*** me off. Meh. What was I to expect.

i lie like that all the time.

i've seen how telling my family the truth only encourages them to tell me to do it more.

seriously

un supportive as hell

I'm sure it will work out eventually.
When my parents first found out we had a long talk about it... which was humiliating but it wasn't horrible. I mean, we just talked. Mostly people don't like to talk about it. They don't really know what to say, I guess. But I can tell they love me because I can see in their eyes that it hurts them. That's the look that makes me want to stop...

I don't hide it. If you walk around like the cuts are no big deal and don't bring attention to them no one will notice and if they do notice they won't care. I've never covered up and no one has ever said anything.

That's true. I used to go out with cuts all the time and it took people months to notice. and out of the hundred people who could have seen, only a few people said anything, and they were friends.

Thanks to you all. I guess it is true that most people might not say anything. I'm a worrier and would hate the conversation with a friend. I know that whenever I've noticed other people's cuts or scars, I don't ever say anything. I think most people don't really know what to say, and I don't really know what most people think. I guess as someone that does it myself, I'm not as judgmental as other people may be. I am mostly concerned about my family, though - and they will undoubtedly notice the first time they see my bare arms. I guess it's something I'll need to do sooner or later no matter what. Just hoping I stop slipping up before anyone finds out. I kind of feel like new cuts would bring on a more difficult conversation, at least with mom. Every time I tell myself I won't do it anymore, it seems like I do just the opposite. One day at a time, I guess.

It can be really hard for parents to be supportive when they are worried about their child. I used to cut but thankfully they weren't deep at all and the scars faded really quickly so she never knew. But I do know that if she knew, she would react badly as well. It doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you or truly thinks you're an idiot. Sometimes, people act negatively hoping that it will be enough incentive for you to not do it again, you know? I know that's why my mom says mean things sometimes. It doesn't make it right, but she still cares about you, please realize that!

My boyfriend felt my arm once when we were going to sleep and was all panicky and said "What is that from?" and I just turned away from him and brushed him off. He hugged me really tightly so I assumed he knew. Apparently he thought it was just from my cat, so eventually I told him I wanted to cut and he flipped the hell out haha. But if you really want to stop cutting, sometimes, knowing that your family/loved ones know can give you more reason to stop. It is emotionally painful for them to know, but so is cutting.

I know it can be really embarrassing, but I think you should definitely tell your therapist. I am 100% positive she has dealt with people who cut! She won't be shocked. It's hard for a therapist to help you if they don't know the whole story, and, in my opinion, cutting seems like a big part of your story. Another bonus is that she probably has a lot more insight to offer compared to us on PsychCentral. And if you do decide you want your parents/loved ones to know about it, your therapist can help you figure out how to tell them, and could probably even arrange a family session where the emotions are in a controlled environment and everyone can be honest with each other!

As for the scars, you always have the option of over the counter scar reducing medicine, or natural remedies if you can't see a dermatologist. I used 100% tea tree oil for a big scar I have on my ear from a cartilage piercing. It cost about $9 at the health food store, and I have heard that it works really well on scars that are flatter than mine Another option if you're of age is more permanent, but I know lots of people who get their arms tattooed, sometimes even with a reminder of what they've been through! Of course, that's not for everyone, but if that fits your lifestyle then it's something to consider!

i would tell them. my parents found out after my mom read my journal (my T had me writing in it--although she didn't know about the SI because, like you i couldnt tell her) and it was like a big elephant in the room. If she finds out and doesnt say anything you will always wonder. my mom use to hint at that she knew at first and then told my T and then I lied to her to cover it again. I finally just told her, even though she knew actually telling her was better. she was hurt, that i was hurting and couldnt come to her. and worried. and then she told me not to do it anymore-- which i chuckled at a little, just because it was kinda a stupid comment like if only it was that easy-- So i would tell her, even if you can't tell her you do it currently, at least get it out there that you have done it in the past so there are scars on your arm. Before that though, i would tell your T. i know now i sound hypocritical but honestly, s/he is not going to judge you, im sure s/he has probably had people dealing with it before. s/he might be able to even mediate the conversation between you and your parents sometimes it is better when someone else..third party is there. either way, you can't just stop on your own....and i think you know that, so you have to be completely honest with your T....if you can't say it try writing it in a note and giving it to them.
Good luck and take care
also, (sorry) don't feel humilitated...i once saw this quote and i really liked it...that depression/anxiety isnt about being weak, its about having remained strong for too long...i think that this applies to SI too. we do things in our life, and i have to believe that they change us in a way that in the end makes us stronger and better for it...if we let it, but that only comes with dealing with the problem.
again, best of luck and take care

Meh. Still haven't told T or my parents. For T, it's just really hard for me to open up to her. I've had a few opportunities, but I haven't. I wish she'd just ask me about it. I feel like if she asked, I could tell her. I don't want to just be like "Oh yeah, and then I cut myself." We don't even always talk about stuff like that.

I made an accidental cut on my hand the other day. My dad made a joke about it. He always makes jokes about everything. He started fake crying, and saying "I didn't know you were serious!" I assume that he was referring to something I had said about wanting to kill myself earlier. I was actually being serious about what I said (It wasn't an immediately threatening statement, but even if it was, he would have reacted the same.) When I ever mention feeling like dying or hurting myself, my dad laughs or makes a joke. My mom gets mad and yells. It really makes me more nervous about them finding out. If my dad reacted that way to an unintentional cut, how could he possibly react to my real ones?

I've been able to avoid my mom finding out. I find excuses to wear long sleeves, and I have been able to creatively cover my arm whenever there is a close call. A lot of the scars on my arm are dark and flat or indented, so I can cover them because I'm pretty good with makeup. I have a few raised ones that I'm really self conscious about, but nobody has said anything about them. I normally cross my arms, wear a jacket, or play with my hair to hide it. I've also been using lemon juice and bleach the dermatologist gave me for acne spots, and they've been lightening a bit... but I kind of feel like if I told my parents, they could support me in ways I need support. I've really been doing better with cutting. I can't say that I haven't done it recently, but it hasn't been the same - not as many cuts, not as frequently, mostly shallow. Maybe only two or three times in the past month. I think about it a lot, but I fight harder not to do it, because I look at my scars and then the bare parts of my body and I hate myself for it.

My friends and family were total opposites in their reactions. I'll start with my family, because it was so much worse with them.

September 2011 my mom went on my computer and read something I wrote, it was basically a depressed and suicidal rant with quite a few references to cutting. She didn't say anything about it for nearly 3 months. My dad also decided he wanted to move overseas and hide from me when we were both home. I was actually glad about this because a lot of my reasons for cutting were related to him and past abuse issues. He ended up not moving, but that's a long story.
When my mom finally brought it up with me, it was on Thanksgiving day and in the form of yelling, screaming, insulting me and blaming me for everything including the abuse. I learned after that day to hide all emotion from her, and things have been better in the sense that she consistently ignores any signs that I'm still cutting and never brings it up. No one else in my family mentions it either.

How my friends found out is a much better story. The first friend I told voluntarily, we were having a pretty deep discussion about quite a few things and she had mentioned she struggles with cutting. I admitted I do too, because I wanted someone to talk to and I wanted her to know she's not alone. We don't talk about it in detail much because its pretty much a mutual understanding that we're there for eachother and understand.

My martial arts instructor found out a few months ago. She's a very important person to me, as well as a pretty close friend so it was a very scary situation worrying how she would react. She found out because my mom got in a big argument with her and told her, and she also told her about some of the past abuse. I figured I would have a talk with my instructor in her office the next day, and I did, but I didn't expect those things to come up.
We first talked about my mom's argument with her, and then she said she was going to take her belt off so we could talk about a "personal issue." She mentioned she knew about the past stuff with my dad, but didn't say much about it. Just hearing that she knew was incredible. I didn't have to hide anymore. Then she said "...and I know about the cutting" and looked me in the eye as I glanced up at her. That was probably the scariest moment of my life. She talked to me a little while saying she was worried and that apparently the whole school is worried about me and had been sending her facebook messages all the time asking if I'm ok. She told me she wanted me to call/text/email/whatever when that urge comes up so she can help. It was amazing...terrifying, but I feel so much better now that she knows.

So there's my story, with cutting you really never know how people will react. Some will freak out and make things worse, but you may just find out who your real friends are...

Well, I'm going to a spa with my mom and she really wants to go to a steam room... I just found this out. I feel like if I put on makeup, it will just melt off, and regardless, I'd have to towel off after the steam and I'd get makeup everywhere. The makeup that I use stains very badly - it will get everywhere. So now I'm debating whether I should try to cover it up or not. Eek, I actually really need quick advice on this one. I don't want to ruin what could be a really good mother-daughter day with stuff like this. I'm getting closer to ready, but I don't think now is a good time?

I say dont bother with the makeup, accidentally forget your swimsuit, or where a loose shirt, say itmakes you more comfortable. let us know how it goes.

Response to first threads question, going to be kinda short hand cause using phone.
Friends found out from seeing accidentally. Some said I shouldn't do it, and as the cuts got deeper some couldnt handle it and quit talking to me. others ignored, and some just tried to calm me down when they could, or encourage safety (those wereusually friends that also cut.
My parents found out cause I was forced to tell them by another adult. I brought a friend and mentor cause I feared a tantrum reaction. They didn't yell. mom cried and tried to understand why. dad was scared and disappointed. they talked to my doc and therapist. therapist and I worked on contracts. starting with I had to tell her after I did it. then had to call someone before I did it.

I got nervous over nothing, really. The spa went fine. I was able to get dressed when my mom went to the bathroom, and that was fine. My service was actually the weird part - we got facials and the lady uncovered my arms and continued to massage them, and that made me extremely uncomfortable. My mom really wants to take me to her favorite spa, which is a nude spa, but there is no way.

Im 17. Ive been cutting and burning for years. I told them begging for help... but they told me only I could control it. I felt scared, hopeless and betrayed. Ive learned to cut my thighs instead which helps with scarring. Anytime they found that I had cut I was severely punished and verbally and emotional abused worse than usual. I wish I could help... so sorry for you.

Thats what I do. I find it to be the best option.

mine is the same way.

My brother made a comment today that made me inwardly upset about one of his friend's girlfriends that "cuts herself for fun" He called her psycho among other things. Doesn't know I do it. It wasn't the first time he brought up this girl. Whenever I think of my cutting, I think of my brother, how much I love him, and how much I've let him down.

I also am starting to come to terms with the fact that there isn't going to be a quick fix for my scars. I was really interested in laser, but it will be increasingly tricky for me because I have darker skin (not caucasian, which responds to laser treatment the best). I understand it would be expensive, but I know my mom was considering helping me with costs if I wanted to use laser for hair removal. Anyways, I also have hope that my scars might greatly improve within the coming months. It doesn't help that I slipped up on Christmas eve -- a bigger slip than the other tiny ones I've been having. But I'm more determined and motivated now because I know that lots of these will fade.

Like everything else that flew in the face of presenting a picture perfect family, my parents covered it up and only revealed what they absolutely had to with whomever they absolutely had to discuss it.

Sweep it under the rug! That's what you're supposed to do, right?

My mother found out because my psychiatrist made me tell her because he was sending me to a crisis center. He was afraid that I was going to attempt suicide. My sisters found out because my mother told them. My sisters were really angry with me, and ashamed and embarrassed. In the end, after the initial reaction, they were really supportive and helped me get out of it. I'm glad they found out.

I don't really cover my scars up but then again, a lot of them are on my stomach and hips.
My dad found out first when he read my diary and made me show him my arms. It was also summertime so I had no excuse for wearing a jacket even though I always said I felt cold when it was like 80 degrees outside. After that, my dad made me show my brother my cuts and then did the same with my mom after calling her over.
It hasn't been much, but I've been 7 days clean and I'm hoping that I'll be able to stay in recovery this time. I don't really talk about cutting with my T either but I think I'm going to try to next session.

I hadn't done it in a long time; but I felt the need to one day not too long ago..So I did it. And then felt guilty; so I told my girlfriend; and she cried. She begged me to not do it again...So I told her I wouldn't...although I still get the urge to from time to time, when I get the feeling I am guilty and deserve to hurt. I wouldn't dare tell my step-dad or my brother.

I told my t about my cutting, and due to confidentiality she COULD NOT tell my parents. I even showed her my wounds and she still couldn't tell them. It was extremely helpful to have her to be able to talk to about it and show and not be ashamed. However, about two weeks later I fell asleep at home with a short sleeved shirt on (my cuts are on my shoulders, so I usually wear long sleeves so my sleeves don't push up, especially when I sleep) and my sister was trying to wake me up and saw them-probably around 30 on one arm. I told her my t knew about it, but she still told my mom about it. D*** I wish I could've been a fly on the wall for that conversation. My mom called my t and my t said she knew already and said not to try to confront me about it because it would make it worse, which it would have. I couldn't have endured a confrontation with my mom. At my next appointment, we talked about it, and it made a huge difference that we were talking about it in a safe, controlled setting with a professional who could explain things to my mom. I also got to make some rules that I wanted to put into place concerning my cutting, like my mom can only ask questions/talk about my cutting in my t's office, and she cannot see my scars/wounds, we also had to make a safety plan, consisting of a code word that I would say to my parents when I felt the urge to cut, and they would ask no questions and distract me for 30 minutes. I never use it though because I'd rather not make them worry, plus I can call my t if I have urges and I'd rather talk to her. Really, this was the best case scenario, I think, other than of course being able to hide it. I know I'll have to show my parents my scars eventually and that scares me to death, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Good luck to everyone dealing with this. We're all in this together.



Nomad

Do we have the same parents?! I said the exact same thing about my parents this week at t. It's so true. It makes me feel even worse and more awkward!

Nomad