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#1
Nov 26, 2012, 10:28 AM
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Going back to class is not a good idea right now.... and yet I have to go back.... I"m just screaming inside now. I got to close to the top of my car and started to bleed... now I really know what seeing blood does, all I want to do is just find someway to cut. Yet I'm in a public place.
I thought music and sudoku wold help, but it's not. This is so different compared to my normal way of si.... and what's even worse is I want sui way to much again. and I haven't wanted that in at least 6 months. I don't know how much I can handle today. Yes I could call my T but, I don't want the possibility of being a inpatient again. I don't even want to talk to him. I could see if something else would help, but right now, I don't want to go anywhere else, due to the fact that I would still be alone... at least this way someone can see me, and it makes it harder to si. I haven't wanted si like this before, I want to give in to the urge. Now I know how cutting feels like. But then there's the rational side of me that just says, you shouldn't want this, it leads to scares, and some religious believes then get destroyed. And yet when someone starts talking, it freaks me out. I should just go get that book, that has helped before, but I'm afraid it would convince me more to just give in. Darn spiritual believes yet that's the only thing that is stopping me right now. Which is a good thing but also something that I have to struggle against. AHHHHH I have class in an hour and a half, this is not helping..... |
 Angelornot, AngelWolf3, hinzc7711, littlemssunshine
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#2
Nov 26, 2012, 11:49 AM
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__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#3
Nov 26, 2012, 11:52 AM
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thinking of you. I am sorry you are going through this right now. I wish I had more to say, but I don't. So I will again, if okay.
__________________
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#4
Nov 26, 2012, 04:18 PM
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((Hugs)) ((hugs)) I wish I had some good advice.
Keep safe. I pray for a better day for you |
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#5
Nov 26, 2012, 07:50 PM
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Classes are over now, rehearsal is over, but all at a cost. Mentally I"m just done. Looked up at where the behavioral health center is, on my way home. All I could think of was I just don't want to end up there, for the 3rd time. I just wonder if it's enough.
I just hope I can sleep tonight, and hopefully end this nightmare of a day. |
| Sannah
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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