[GirlOfManyFaces]

I'm scared. I've been cutting all week. And today I've really really wanted to kill myself. But I have two people on PC that are keeping me here... Anyway...

I scared because I didn't even need a blade to cut this time. I just kept clawing at myself in frustration and it started to bleed... I'm scared... Now I don't even need something to hurt myself. I just need me

[Sannah]

I replied in your other thread here.

[Sam2]

Originally Posted by GirlOfManyFaces

I'm scared. I've been cutting all week. And today I've really really wanted to kill myself. But I have two people on PC that are keeping me here... Anyway...

I scared because I didn't even need a blade to cut this time. I just kept clawing at myself in frustration and it started to bleed... I'm scared... Now I don't even need something to hurt myself. I just need me

That is all you ever needed to hurt yourself. You have probably been doing it for years now, its just been inside where the scars don't show.

Even though you don't want to and are scared, you need to get someplace safe. You really do need to go the ER and let them know that you are afraid you are going to do something further to hurt yourself. Putting off treatment is only going to make things worse for you. There is no reason why you should have to suffer like this. I'm sure you could come up with a million excuses as to why you don't need to go get help, or you are feeling better now or any other of several excuses. The bottom line is that you are a danger to yourself. This isn't somehthing you can do by yourself. We can't be there to stop you, nor can we perscribe anti-depressants or other medications or give you professional help. You are a good person. Take a deep breath and take the first step in stopping your pattern of behavior.

Sam2

[Ultra Darkness]

The only times I have ever self-harmed, I've done it by hitting my head on things or clawing at myself. I think fingernail wounds actually heal more slowly.
Anyway, I fully agree that you need help, and soon.

[Victoria'smom]

That's how I started SI'ing. Cut your nails to stubs right now. Is there anyway you can get help?

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

That's how I started SI'ing. Cut your nails to stubs right now. Is there anyway you can get help?

I bite my nail. It's a bad habit. And no I can't get help

[ickydog2006]

Start thinking of things you can do if you go into crisis mode again (feeling like you are going to kill yourself. If you plan on using meds tell your parents you need them to take all medication out of the house (likewise if you are thinking gun etc). Do you have a list of numbers by your bed you can call, also a list of emails so you can vent if need be. It's important to prepare ahead of time, cause we arn't prone to thinking correctly when we get in that state. Do you have a friend or parent that could take you to the ER if necessary. Make a list of reasons you don't want to die (like hurting others etc) and distraction methods (tv, tearing apart phone book, praying/bible reading), keep them with you or by the bed. In college I made sure I had friends who could watch me (passing me to another friend as need be due to class schedules) for 24 hours at a time when things would get bad and felt I was a danger to myself. If you arn't willing to cut in public places try to hang out with others, libraries and social groups, preferably with a friend who can go with you to the bathroom if necessary. It's usually hard to cut with someone watching you.
Just don't give up fighting.

I also encourage you reading the book of Job.

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Originally Posted by ickydog2006

Start thinking of things you can do if you go into crisis mode again (feeling like you are going to kill yourself. If you plan on using meds tell your parents you need them to take all medication out of the house (likewise if you are thinking gun etc). Do you have a list of numbers by your bed you can call, also a list of emails so you can vent if need be. It's important to prepare ahead of time, cause we arn't prone to thinking correctly when we get in that state. Do you have a friend or parent that could take you to the ER if necessary. Make a list of reasons you don't want to die (like hurting others etc) and distraction methods (tv, tearing apart phone book, praying/bible reading), keep them with you or by the bed. In college I made sure I had friends who could watch me (passing me to another friend as need be due to class schedules) for 24 hours at a time when things would get bad and felt I was a danger to myself. If you arn't willing to cut in public places try to hang out with others, libraries and social groups, preferably with a friend who can go with you to the bathroom if necessary. It's usually hard to cut with someone watching you.
Just don't give up fighting.

I also encourage you reading the book of Job.

Thanks a lot! You have some great ideas. I will definitely make sure I do this stuff

[November Blue]

please hold on... ive learned that life always get better, even when it feels like theres no other way out people are here for you, and we want to see you get better