[ThisWayOut]

Feeling this a lot... well, only with si and not substances... definately the first stanza...

"Otherside" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
Oh girl, this boat is sinking,
There's no sea left for me,
And how the sky gets heavy
When you are underneath it
Oh I want to sail away from here
And God
He came down down down down down down down down
And said
Nothing

He rolled up asked him what he was sippin' on
Said lean, you wanna hit it dawg?
That's the same stuff Weezy sippin' huh?
And tons of other rappers that be spittin' hard
Yep yep he had 5 up on
When he passed him that Styrofoam
The Easter pink, heard it in a rhyme before
Finally got to see what all the hype was on
And then he took a sip sittin' in the Lincoln
Thinking he was pimpin' as he listened to the system
Little did he know that it was just as addictive as bass
Not the kind of hit from the kick drum
Hot box let the bass bump
Take it to face, gulp
Months later the use went up
And every blunt was accompanied by the pink stuff
But ******* he loved that feeling
Purple rain coated in the throat
Just so healin'
Medicine alleviate the sickness
Liquid to fix and it comes with a cost
Wake up, cold sweat, scratchin', itchin'
Trying to escape the skin that barley fit him
Gone, get another bottle just get a couple swallows headed towards the bottom
Couldn't get off it
Didn't even think he had a problem
Though he couldn't sleep without getting nauseous
Room spinnin'
Thinking he might of sipped just a little bit too much of that cough syrup
His eyelids closed shut
Sat back in the chair
Clutching that cup
Girlfriend came and a couple of hours later said his name
Shook him, but he never got up

Never got up, never got up
We live on the cusp of death thinkin' that it won't be us
It won't be us, it won't be us, it won't be us
Nah, it won't be us

Oh girl this boat is sinking,
There's no sea left for me,
And how the sky gets heavy
When you are underneath it
Oh I want to sail away from here
And God
Came down down down down down down down down
And said
Nothing

And he just wanted to act like them
He just wanted to rap like him
Us as rappers underestimate the power and the effects we have on these kids
Blunt passed
Ash in a tin, pack being pushed, harassed by the feds
The fact of it is most people that rap like this talkin' about some **** they haven't lived
Surprise, you know the drill
Trapped in a box declined record sales
Follow the formula
Violence, drugs and sex sells
So we try to sound like someone else
This is not Californication
There's no way to glorify this pavement
Syrup, percocet, and an eighth day will leave you broke, depressed and emotionally vacant

Despite how Lil Wayne lives
It's not conducive to being creative
And I know cause he's my favorite
And I know cause I was off that same mix
Rationalize the **** that I try after I listen to dedication
But he's an alien
I sip that **** pass out or play PlayStation
Months later I'm in the same place
No music made, feeling like a failure
And trust me it's not dope to be 25 and move back to your parents basement
I've seen my peoples dreams die
I see what they can be denied
And "weeds not a drug" that's denial
Groundhog day life repeat each time
I've seen Oxycontin take 3 lives
I grew up with them, we used to chief dimes
I've seen cocaine bring out the demons inside
Cheatin' and lyin'
Friendship cease, no peace in the mind
Stealin' and takin' anything to fix the pieces inside
Broken, hopeless, headed no where
Only motivation for what the dealer's supplyin'
That rush, that drug, that dope
Those pills, that crumb, that roach
Thinkin' I would never do that
Not that drug
Growin' up nobody ever does
Until you're stuck lookin' in the mirror
Like I can't believe what I've become
Swore I was gonna be someone
And growin' up everyone always does
We sell our dreams and our potential to escape through that buzz
Just keep me up, keep me up
Hollywood here we come

Oh girl this boat is sinking,
There's no sea left for me,
And how the sky gets heavy when you are underneath it
Oh I want to sail away from here
And God
He came down down down down down down down down
And said
Nothing

[Sam2]

That is a pretty dark song. I can understand you being drawn to it. I don't think music makes us do things, I think we listen to that sort of music because its the way we already feel.

That being said, when you are already in a dangerous or on the borderline mood, exposing yourself to dark songs may set you off the edge. One reason I won't turn the radio on in the car is because it will instantly bring back a bunch of black, dangerous thoughts. The music isn't doing it, its just a catalyst for a mood already present. Once I hear the music, I have trouble not sinking deeper and deeper into the darkness.

I can't tell you what to listen to, and wouldn't try anyway, but if you are fighting SI urges now, you might do better writing your own poetry. Lyrics are basically poetry. Just watch that you don't push yourself further into the darkness.

Sam2

[ThisWayOut]

His music is actually quite uplifting... most of it is inspirational. It keeps my head from being too loud... music actually keeps me sane, especially the dark stuff. It says what I can't. It's a method of safe release.

I can understand how it can be triggering or a catalyst tho. There have been times where I was find, heard a song, and fell apart - the song i was listening to on repeat the day my aunt died... i fall apart for that one. Mostly its safe for me tho. I like the way they are able to articulate what my soulfeels like...