[poptardqueen]

I had stopped cutting for almost a month until last saturday.....
The only reason I had stopped was because Im due to be a bridesmaid at the end of the month and couldnt have my arms all mangled like they usually are.
But... I got drunk and took a bottle of pills while at my moms house and hacked away all over my leg, which I berely even remember doing. But I do remember how much better I felt and how well I slept after that. That had been building up so much and it finally flowed out and I felt so much better.
I actually thought I had gotten a handle on it, but the combination of the fact that it'd been so long since id done it and I am currently reading BLOODLETTING, a memoir about a girl who cuts. I think that really triggered me.
Now I'm back to checking out books about self-harm and suicide obsessively, like I did today. When I start doing this is when things start going downhill FAST and i turn up in an acute ward.
I just want to remain cut-free on my arms at least until the wedding because I couldnt handle the stares and questions from her family and friends. The dress just HAD to be strapped didnt it?!
Also, I still have some pretty bad burn scars and cut scars that are still visible, even from years ago. Makeup? Would that help or just rub off on my black dress?
I need help...

[HALLIEBETH87]

as you saw in my post, i can relate to the books. I also realized this morning that I listen to songs about depressing things too. things such as "burning bright" and "45" by shinedown...then theres hawthorne heights.

[mlyn]

Oh my!!!!!!!!!
I fight so hard with the voices saying rip off the face, tear off the flesh rip and tear out the hair, burn the body all up, cut deep into the flesh in the arms in the throat. is that what you hear?

[xxemogurlxx]

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mlyn said:
Oh my!!!!!!!!!
I fight so hard with the voices saying rip off the face, tear off the flesh rip and tear out the hair, burn the body all up, cut deep into the flesh in the arms in the throat. is that what you hear?

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I do when i get really mad. Makes it harder to stop.

[mlyn]

Wish was when only angry is easier to understand. atleast is a reason then.

[Milanist]

It is soooo sad for me to hear these things! beleive me, even though i dont know any of you here, reading these posts makes me depressed!

i just cant understand why you keep doing this to yourself! i mean when i get really angry i punch the wall, (rearly) or just play some football to let out some steam!

why do you have to hurt yourselfs? why is this an option for you? it shouldnt be! is life soo bad for you guys? is there noone you can go to when your sad, and cry with him or her, is there noone you can go to for support? I know its tough and that it becomes a habbit, but for goodness sake please there are so many options in the world
!
Every one of you is soo special, you dont deserve to be punished for anything, so why are you doing this to yourselfs!

I dont want to bore any of you with the same old stuff but i dont think you realise what and effect your actions have on the people around you! i mean you may think im jocking but im not when i tell you that your stories have hurt me! Now try and imagine what they are doing to the ones who love you! To the ones who want to see you happy and safe in your own hands!

Take care of yourselfs! Please!

[bluebythewater]

I can understand where you're at and what you're going through... all I can say is that I'm here to listen when you need to talk.

*hugs*