Rough weekend!!!!

Got Java · Apr 22, 2013, 07:51 AM

I have on hell of a downer on Friday that thru me into a state of depression that made me want to harm myself.I was alone for the most part wich doesnt seem to help when you are very depressed and self destructive.

I was having major issues with being around anybody at work and I just told them to leave me alone because I had some stuff going on I didnt want to talk about or for them to deal with.I believe most people respected my wishes thru the day.I had very bad thoughts thru the day and decided to call my T and give him at least somebody I can trust a call about my state of mind.

During that evening I decided to meet up with some friends and have a beer or 2 and just enjoy there company.I was feeling ok,but decided to drink more as I got home to dull my pain some more I kept me at bay for the moment.I started to get very emotional and just feeling of despair and overwhemling grief from all that I been going thru lately I was alot to take it I can say.I ended up passing out of the couch in a drunken state.

The next night I was trying to orgainize the tool box that I have left downstairs all a mess since Jan I think.The last time I tried to organize it I was cutting myself on the arms and on the wrists and leaving some decent markinga on both arms.Im not proud of doing such actions to myself ,but I was suffering really bad It sounded like a good idea for the moment.

Now I was facing the same ordeal once again and it was calling me once again to handle sharp items that I could inflict some release of my internal anguish I been feeling for the last two days.I did start messing with the cutting knife a bit just to feel better about the pain I was enduring just enough to make the pain go somewhere else for the time.I realised I needed to stop doing this before I ended up in the ER this weekend. So I just kept focusing on cleaning the house and organizing stuff as much as I could just to take my mind of how I felt deep inside.It worked to some extent I guess.

Apr 22, 2013, 08:45 AM

Got Java

beautifulfreak · Apr 22, 2013, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Got Java

I have on hell of a downer on Friday that thru me into a state of depression that made me want to harm myself.I was alone for the most part wich doesnt seem to help when you are very depressed and self destructive.

I was having major issues with being around anybody at work and I just told them to leave me alone because I had some stuff going on I didnt want to talk about or for them to deal with.I believe most people respected my wishes thru the day.I had very bad thoughts thru the day and decided to call my T and give him at least somebody I can trust a call about my state of mind.

During that evening I decided to meet up with some friends and have a beer or 2 and just enjoy there company.I was feeling ok,but decided to drink more as I got home to dull my pain some more I kept me at bay for the moment.I started to get very emotional and just feeling of despair and overwhemling grief from all that I been going thru lately I was alot to take it I can say.I ended up passing out of the couch in a drunken state.

The next night I was trying to orgainize the tool box that I have left downstairs all a mess since Jan I think.The last time I tried to organize it I was cutting myself on the arms and on the wrists and leaving some decent markinga on both arms.Im not proud of doing such actions to myself ,but I was suffering really bad It sounded like a good idea for the moment.

Now I was facing the same ordeal once again and it was calling me once again to handle sharp items that I could inflict some release of my internal anguish I been feeling for the last two days.I did start messing with the cutting knife a bit just to feel better about the pain I was enduring just enough to make the pain go somewhere else for the time.I realised I needed to stop doing this before I ended up in the ER this weekend. So I just kept focusing on cleaning the house and organizing stuff as much as I could just to take my mind of how I felt deep inside.It worked to some extent I guess.

It sounds like you were able to direct your focus as best you could on something constructive…well done.

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Rough weekend!!!!

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