wanting to give in

I am so tired of my mood being up and down!!! if I make it until bed time tonight (which I could go right now) I will have 12 days....but I am really feeling like who cares!!!! it is only 12 days!!! I could start over again!! but I know I don't stop with just one cut!! besides where I am wanting to cut could be dangerous!!!!

Get a shock collar they sell for dog training. Shock your arm instead. Does not leave a scar.

Though I am not bipolar myself, the other things on your list I have been through. One of my good friends earlier in life was bipolar and would go off her meds when she got sick of them . She said they left her with no real feelings. Since you are also fighting SI, try to stay on your meds. A manic or depressive episode might trigger an incident.

Two years ago, I almost killed myself inadvertantly when i cut extremely deeply. I wasn't trying to commit suicide, but had someone not seen blood running out from under the bathroom door, I wouldn't be here writing this now. There are permanent effects from that day as well. Areas of numbness, other areas of electirical shock feelings. No matter how careful you are, you can still wind up bleeding out or losing the use of a limb. Imagine yourself unable to use an arm or leg ever again. Tie one arm behind your back and see how well you function without it.

Even "safe" forms of self abuse can go terribly wrong. Blood clots breaking loose, the inability to stop the bleeding in time, cutting a tendon or ligament. Once its done, its too late. I know it is hard to imagine that happening to you, but then, I never thought I could do something like I did. You need to find a way to cope with the stress and anxiety that is driving you to harm yourself. Some professionals are able to give you post hypnotic suggestions to do something non harmful when stress gets bad.

Be careful out there!
Sam2

Any length of time you go without self injury is a big deal. It matters. Even if no one on earth ever "cares", it still matters.

I know how bad mood swings can be, but self injuring over it wouldn't fix the problem. Sure, it'd distract you for awhile & make you feel better temporarily... but then you'd return to your previous state, only with added physical injury & possibly related feelings of regret/guilt/shame that seems to plague most self injurers after they do it.

Be safe.