Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

I'm new to these forums so forgive me if anything about this post is a repeat...

I started cutting myself when I was in high school as an outlet for all the pain I carried around inside. I felt like I had no excuse and no right to feel so horrible when there were so many other people who had it worse off than me. Feeling sad all the time equaled me being a bad girl and cutting was the only thing that brought any relief...as soon as I was done, I felt nothing but blessed numbness.

I'm long past high school now and had thought this behavior was in "remission" but about six months ago it started coming back - slapping myself at first and then before long I was back to cutting. It's getting pretty bad - hard waves of emotion are hitting me more than once a week and I'm having a hard time making it in between visits to my therapist. It's a damaging cycle - I know he doesn't want me to cut but the waves hit when I can't reach out to him and they get so bad that I slip up and then hate myself more for slipping up, which triggers another wave, etc.

I have a family member that has issues with alcohol and it got me wondering about the concept of having a sponsor for overcoming self harming. So, for example, the waves start overwhelming me and all I can think about is doing anything at all to stop the pain of feeling, holding ice isn't working, meditation isn't working...but as a last resort, I pick up the phone and call my sponsor, much like an alcoholic trying to overcome their issue does when the need for a drink is overwhelming.

Has anyone ever heard of such a program? I'm wondering what the general usefulness would be...

Hi AnnaBegins, welcome to the forums I think it would be a good idea to bring this idea up to your therapist. I know I have a hard time as well with picking up the phone and calling someone when I feel like I need to self harm but it might be something that helps you. Mine came up with a plan for me, including steps to follow when coping skills don't work including people/places to call. I think the idea of having a sponsor or someone you can trust to call when that's happening is a really good idea. If you feel like that's something you need that would help, try to let them know that you're having times between sessions where you need someone to reach out to when you're in that situation and that it's happening more frequently. I know I always feel bad when I slip up and don't want to mention it, but in the end it does makes things worse and continues the cycle. You said you feel bad about messing up but I think you telling them your idea of having a sponsor will show them that you want help and are trying to stop.