[GenCat]

Today I went to the pool at a friends house, and she had others over to swim. I did not get in the pool, or even wear a bathing suit because I am ashamed of others seeing my scars. When everyone noticed I wasn't swimming, of course all the attention turned on me and why I wasn't swimming. Then one girl yelled out, what happened to your legs!? So loud everyone around pretty much stopped to look at my scars on my legs. My shorts were evidently too short to cover my scars up. I was completely embarrassed with nothing to say except shake my head and walk away.

When I went into the house one of my closer friends was in there and again asked me about what happened to them. I did not know how to tell her so I just said I did it. She replied with confusion, what did you do? fall off your horse? fall down stairs? get trapped in wire?....I stood there and told her I did it to myself on purpose with a knife. She gasped and was freaked. She didn't understand why I would want to hurt myself.

No one can really understand self harm, unless the other person can relate. I am still ashamed, embarrassed and I hate myself for doing this and making scars.

[adam_k]

Shame can be a powerful emotion. It is hard to shake and can lower your self esteem. It is very difficult to talk about self harm, especially with a group of people that may judge you.

In the future you can say you don't want to talk about it, that it is a sensitive subject. It isn't a lie and hopefully they will drop it. You can lie, but it becomes difficult to keep track of who you told what to.

I have a mot of scars on my legs. No one has ever seen them thankfully except doctors and medical people.

Try not to be ashamed of yourself. Self harm means you were really struggling and did not know how to cope. Most people don't know what that type of pain feels like. They can't fathom how self harm would have any benifiet. I don't think telling the masses about it will make you feel any better, but when you get people that you trust and are close to you, maybe you can explain to them. Tell them how much stuff you were going thru and that you didn't know how to deal with it. That you self harmed and it made the bad feeling numbed or what ever it does for you. It does different things for different people.

[herethennow]

my good friends do not understand it either... they keep saying that their pain is bigger if i cut. and all. makes me guilty all over again. i tried talking to them, but they.. don't understand it. *sigh*

[Moodswing]

You can not expect others to understand self-harm. It is something I would not understand either if I did not do it myself. I was shocked at the cashier at the food store this weekend. She was wearing short sleaves and it seriously looked like she use to cut deep and wide. White scaring and pinkish scaring. Her arms looked horrific and she was proudly displaying them. Even though I use to self harm I was still uncomfortable see that. I am thankful I never cut like that.