Question?? :/

Ok, so a couple weeks ago I sliced my leg up so bad I had to have 5 rows of stiches. But they were so long it wasn't normal stiches it was like they actually sewed it back up. But ever since I got the stiches taken out, I've been picking at the scabs to make myself bleed. Is that a form of SI? I'm jw

I think it is a form of SI.... When I had stitches or staples I would always pick at them like I didn't want them to heal.. and seeing the blood to me is a bit part of that type of SI'ng...
I dunno .. just how I see/feel about it.

well it's like I don't want to forget the pain or something so I just keep picking at it

Yes, I would agree that it is a form of SI.

but like when it happened I thought I was going to die and I was so scared and promised myself and everyone else I would never cut again. and I don't want to. but something keeps making me feel the need to and it scares me because I don't want to be scared again like
that. next time I really could die. but when I do it I don't think about it I just do it.

Unfortunately, it is like other addictions - even knowing the dangers and risks doesn't always help in that momen when you are triggered. It can be very difficult to overcome and take a lot of time but it can happen.

Are you seeing a T at all? Or is there anyone you can talk to about your SI? It would be a good place to start if it's possible.

im not seeing anyone. even the cheapest place here is too much for me to pay with as little as I make a paycheck :/

Yes, interfering with the healing of a wound is self injury.
So you have insurance? Have you asked about sliding scale providers? Can you ask a medical caregiver for a referral? (sometimes that helps with coverage)
I hope you feel better soon. Do you have some things you try to do to resisit urges? Sometimes you have to try several to find something that helps you. its very brave to start trying to get better.

I don't have insurance. And the little bit of money I make all goes to bills so I can't afford extras like that. I don't have a doctor cause I can't afford to go to one. I already have a ton of hospital bills that I can't pay. So im pretty much screwed.

My sister is visiting from Brooklyn....we were talking about a night when I was beat up by 4 men over a lie that was told to them by someone....I had done nothing wrong....after 4 days I went home....my dad said he heard I got beat up,"good,I Deserved it.....". I had done nothing wrong,abused by a drunk older brother after my mom passed when I was 10.....I used to find ways to hurt myself for 2 reasons,to stop feeling the emotional torment inside and I felt I deserved it......for 20 years no one knew for I would clean the wounds myself and covered them....until I had to live in a halfway house for 3 years....without alcohol I couldn't deal with all these emotions....I was desperate to stop feeling them I stuck a pair of scissors in my arm......it sounds weird to a lot of people how cutting my ARM,putting cigarettes out on my ARM and thighs and thr scissors was an act of desperation for I had no straight blades,people don't understand how it stops the emotional pain when I see a physical wound I feel I deserve .......it was then people started finding out about my cutting,and why....I didn't want anyone to know......last month I cut and burned myself many times.....I realized I needed to get help because in 2002 it led to a suicide attempt in which I nearly suceeded......the closest I had gotten.......why was I spared? All I can say is that its a tough battle.....I got a lot of help and support from PC who understand and called crisis line to get extra help......all I can say is thanks for letting me share this I read what You wrote and could relate and understand.......don't give up on yourself.....we deserve to be good to ourselves.......ok....

Healthcare isn't an extra, its a necessity. Have you applied for medicare and or medicaid? That should be your next step if you want to seek professional treatment.
About the hospital bills, you should tell the hospital that you are unable to pay. You may be able to arrange a bill assessment (different places call it different things) where you can submit documentation showing your incomes and necessary bills (like rent and utilities) and if it shows thhat there is no way you could pay the amount you were charged, a lot of times they will reduce it to something more reasonable. They'd rather get something than nothing. Takes some effort on your part, but it could help you a lot. Otherwise you are likely to get sued and have your wages garnered. This could help you avoid that.

I have over 1000 dollars or more in hospital bills. I don't qualify for free health care anymore because I'm 20 now and I moved from Tennessee to Alabama. In TN you can get free health care until you're 21, but in AL, it's 19. Half the time I just wish they wouldn't have stiched me up and I would have just kept bleeding. :/

People who don't get insurance through their work can still qualify for medicaid if you're low income. I still encourage to look into it further. And I would see if the hospital will reduce your bill. I got one taken from over 3000 to just under 300 one time when I didn't have insurance. I encourage you to at least ask. I am very sorry you are struggling.

thanks... I will look into it. I just want to cry and scream. I really just want to go to sleep all the time :/ I hate this.

Actually sleeping extra when you can might be a good idea! Restoration for mind and body. I hope the way you're feeling now will end soon. I know I don't know how you feel (only you do) but I know how awful I've felt at times. I hope it will be much better soon.

the more I sleep the more I want to sleep and nothing else... I just dont want to deal any more....