This is how long I have given myself.

I need a friend to respond. But she won't.

This isn't me manipulating. This is me trying to survive.

One hour.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I used to give myself deadlines like that, but it indicates that you'll just do it anyway, and if you want to do it badly enough, you will, regardless. What you should instead focus on, is not relying on your friend, but relying on yourself. You are perfectly capable of controlling your own body. Don't want to SH? Cool, don't do it - distract yourself, play a game, read a book, head out for a bit, chat with someone, watch a funny programme, etc. Do something other than sitting there waiting for a deadline you yourself set.

I just don't know how long I can hold out. I can't hold out.

heart breaking.......... your situation sounds just heart breaking. And part of me hates the idea of your safety being linked to response of another person.

It is YOUR life, not theirs. You own it. Do not make your safety dependent on other peoples actions.

[allme]

Oh no sorry no one was there for you

How are you feeling today?

I'm feeling a little better now. It was just a bad night last night Been having too many bad nights lately and it's getting harder and harder to cope with them.

[allme]

I not too long ago was having those bad nights. Wish there was something I could say or do. One day at a time