SI Daily Check In

tealBumblebee · Oct 21, 2013 at 08:36 PM

Today was interesting for me. I opened up and showed T (she requested but it was completely my choice) my sh scars that i'd originally told her about. I no longer cut there, but she knows that. She wasn't turned off, judgemental or mean about it at all. She asked me to explain the mark, how I feel before, during, etc. My most recent urges (a few days ago) I finally opened up to T (through email) letting her know how strong they were and it seemed to help the urges pass - so she's encouraged me to try this again the next time it happens to see if I get the same result and she will accept it all freely. That T is a very interesting woman...but I do love her so.

Oct 21, 2013 at 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by breakmystride

Now that it's long-sleeve weather and cuts are easier to hide, I'm getting the urge to cut in some new places. I'm not trying to quit, but I don't want my cutting to get worse to the point that I won't be able to hide it in the future, so those urges are bothering me.

Ahh yes me too, now that it's long sleeves weather it feels like it doesn't matter as much because it is so much easier to hide...I still want to be able to wear short sleeves next summer without a ton of questions from others....

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grey_aj · Oct 21, 2013 at 09:22 PM

Talked to my friend about it over IM (he also used to do it)... we told each other about what we used, and how we stashed it, and how excited we were every time we were about to do it... felt very vulnerable even though it was just over the freaking Internet.

- AJ

mazing · Oct 21, 2013 at 09:39 PM

AJ, the words still have power even if they are said over the internet.

Stay safe.

Oct 22, 2013 at 06:17 AM

not many urges yet.

but i'm doubting that will last

bronzeowl · Oct 22, 2013 at 02:24 PM

I exercised last night until it hurt. I think the intent was the same - that painful release of endorphins. But it's a healthier release. My psychiatrist had agreed. So.

Anyway, it works to distract me from it for now. I hope it keeps working.

Hope everyone else is having a decent day.

Grey Matter · Oct 22, 2013 at 03:29 PM

Kept busy and cleaned my room and such. No urges today.

SheHulk07 · Oct 22, 2013 at 07:27 PM

I did today, about 3 cuts as long as my hand. I don't do a bunch of cuts, usually one is enough for me just to get it out. My therapist told me that it's okay for me to do it right now if it stops me from doing more serious things for the time being while we work through other things.

Blue_Bird · Oct 22, 2013 at 08:08 PM

Doing pretty good. The urges are pretty much gone, hopefully it stays that way

imnotokayipromise · Oct 22, 2013 at 09:50 PM

I screwed up earlier today and si'd and now I'm completely unable to wear anything but long sleeves.. /:

Oct 23, 2013 at 04:14 AM

lots and lots of blood (like most days)

Blue_Bird · Oct 24, 2013 at 02:13 AM

Had a lot of strong urges earlier today but made it through without doing it

Oct 24, 2013 at 03:42 AM

I stayed with my parents last night to keep me safe. Nearly didn't work. Really wished I'd taken my razors with me, it probably would have helped. Next time I will...

beloiseau · Oct 24, 2013 at 08:41 AM

I am able to control the urges when I am sober, but I have a drink or two to help with my anxiety when the meds don't work and I am cutting again when my inhibitions are lowered.

Oct 24, 2013 at 10:46 AM

continuing doing a lot on my legs

just feels so much better..

Blue_Bird · Oct 24, 2013 at 12:13 PM

Urges still but haven't done anything

Oct 24, 2013 at 02:01 PM

Headed for an assessment for possible admission in an hour or so...might get some cutting done while I still can

mazing · Oct 24, 2013 at 04:09 PM

The assessment might be a good thing secretwhisper. If you are struggling at the moment it might help you

Oct 24, 2013 at 06:07 PM

If there had been a bed I would have been admitted....instead I'm on my way back home.

MusicLover79 · Oct 24, 2013 at 09:13 PM

not doing well. I just want to start again. what was the point in stopping? I'm just more anxious now. I feel like I need to SH to feel better

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grey_aj Member Member Since Feb 2012 Location: citizen of the world Posts: 368 12 72 hugs given	Oct 21, 2013 at 09:22 PM #63 Talked to my friend about it over IM (he also used to do it)... we told each other about what we used, and how we stashed it, and how excited we were every time we were about to do it... felt very vulnerable even though it was just over the freaking Internet. - AJ
	Reply With Quote

mazing Grand Poohbah Member Since Dec 2011 Location: Australia Posts: 1,537 12 39 hugs given	Oct 21, 2013 at 09:39 PM #64 AJ, the words still have power even if they are said over the internet. Stay safe.
	Reply With Quote

Anonymous32451 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 22, 2013 at 06:17 AM #65 not many urges yet. but i'm doubting that will last
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Grey Matter Magnate Member Since Jul 2013 Location: hippocampus Posts: 2,379 11 962 hugs given	Oct 22, 2013 at 03:29 PM #67 Kept busy and cleaned my room and such. No urges today. __________________ “You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.”.
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SheHulk07 Magnate Member Since Oct 2013 Location: CO Posts: 2,305 11 871 hugs given	Oct 22, 2013 at 07:27 PM #68 I did today, about 3 cuts as long as my hand. I don't do a bunch of cuts, usually one is enough for me just to get it out. My therapist told me that it's okay for me to do it right now if it stops me from doing more serious things for the time being while we work through other things.
	Reply With Quote

Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Middle Earth Posts: 37,459 (SuperPoster!) 11 15k hugs given	Oct 22, 2013 at 08:08 PM #69 Doing pretty good. The urges are pretty much gone, hopefully it stays that way __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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imnotokayipromise Member Member Since Oct 2013 Location: Nebraska Posts: 78 11 14 hugs given	Oct 22, 2013 at 09:50 PM #70 I screwed up earlier today and si'd and now I'm completely unable to wear anything but long sleeves.. /: __________________ i wrote the gospel on giving up
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Anonymous32451 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 23, 2013 at 04:14 AM #71 lots and lots of blood (like most days)
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Middle Earth Posts: 37,459 (SuperPoster!) 11 15k hugs given	Oct 24, 2013 at 02:13 AM #72 Had a lot of strong urges earlier today but made it through without doing it __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Anonymous200125 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 24, 2013 at 03:42 AM #73 I stayed with my parents last night to keep me safe. Nearly didn't work. Really wished I'd taken my razors with me, it probably would have helped. Next time I will...
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beloiseau Veteran Member Member Since Aug 2013 Location: Pennsylvania, USA Posts: 550 11 332 hugs given	Oct 24, 2013 at 08:41 AM #74 I am able to control the urges when I am sober, but I have a drink or two to help with my anxiety when the meds don't work and I am cutting again when my inhibitions are lowered.
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Anonymous32451 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 24, 2013 at 10:46 AM #75 continuing doing a lot on my legs just feels so much better..
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Middle Earth Posts: 37,459 (SuperPoster!) 11 15k hugs given	Oct 24, 2013 at 12:13 PM #76 Urges still but haven't done anything __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Anonymous200125 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 24, 2013 at 02:01 PM #77 Headed for an assessment for possible admission in an hour or so...might get some cutting done while I still can
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mazing Grand Poohbah Member Since Dec 2011 Location: Australia Posts: 1,537 12 39 hugs given	Oct 24, 2013 at 04:09 PM #78 The assessment might be a good thing secretwhisper. If you are struggling at the moment it might help you
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Anonymous200125 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 24, 2013 at 06:07 PM #79 If there had been a bed I would have been admitted....instead I'm on my way back home.
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MusicLover79 Member Member Since May 2013 Location: USA Posts: 313 11 102 hugs given	Oct 24, 2013 at 09:13 PM #80 not doing well. I just want to start again. what was the point in stopping? I'm just more anxious now. I feel like I need to SH to feel better
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