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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Dec 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,537
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Nov 03, 2013 at 12:21 AM
#101
Doing ok.. not great though so the urges are there. Managing to get by at the moment though. Just need to hold out a few more hours.
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 Blue_Bird
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Nov 03, 2013 at 01:29 AM
#102
SI getting worse, cutting pretty much daily. My T gave me the rubber band idea, which kind of helps but doesn't last near as long and isn't as effective. We are trying to find things that will give me the same desired effect but idk if anything will come close. Finding it hard to quit when cutting, always wanting that "one more" to be satisfied.
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| Blue_Bird
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Nov 04, 2013 at 03:17 PM
#103
14 days....urges are really strong though and I don't think I will be successful in fighting them
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| Blue_Bird
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,484
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Nov 04, 2013 at 08:31 PM
#104
No urges thankfully, was having some strong ones last night
__________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Veteran Member
Member Since Aug 2013
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
Posts: 550
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Nov 05, 2013 at 07:28 AM
#105
I didnt at all yesterday! But the day before was really bad cutting wise, just wanting to go deeper. I also felt like my hands were empty and had holes in them, I know that sounds weird, so I was beating my palms with objects. Anyone else have an experience similar to that?
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ I am not this hair, I am not this skin. I am the soul that lives within.
Prozac 40mg, Neurontin 400 mg TID, Remeron 45mg depression, anxiety, borderline, social phobia, ed nos, self injury. |
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| Blue_Bird
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 1,013
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Nov 05, 2013 at 02:57 PM
#106
No urges. I seem to be doing good for now. I hope it stays this way.
__________________ Love is.. OSFED|MDD/PPD|GAD|gender dysphoria|AvPD a baby smiling at you for the first time a dog curling up by your side... and your soulmate kissing your forehead when he thinks you're sound asleep |
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 Blue_Bird
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,484
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Nov 06, 2013 at 01:55 AM
#107
Having a really rough night
__________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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| Anonymous200125
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Member
Member Since May 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 197
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Nov 06, 2013 at 06:17 AM
#108
Nearly caved in last night. Woke up in the middle of the night because of severe toothache and I thought of hurting my arm to kind of transfer the pain. A "the brain can only process one pain at a time" thing. But I didn't.
__________________ Dx: GAD Rx: Escitalopram Teva 10mg (been off of it since Feb 2015) |
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| Anonymous37807, Blue_Bird
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Blue_Bird
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,484
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Nov 07, 2013 at 01:55 AM
#109
Still having urges but haven't gave in
__________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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| Liinu
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 1,013
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Nov 08, 2013 at 02:17 AM
#110
I admit I did it. But it wasn't for the usual reasons. It wasn't due to depression, or apathy, or numbness. But rather anger. I've been so irritable these past two days. Now I'm a bit bruised up. Okay, more than a bit. I just felt like I couldn't calm myself down. At all. Praying this all isn't because of the meds. I was doing so well on them. But I suddenly... I don't know. This feels like an episode. Worse than any I've had yet. I was pretty rough on myself. Yikes.
__________________ Love is.. OSFED|MDD/PPD|GAD|gender dysphoria|AvPD a baby smiling at you for the first time a dog curling up by your side... and your soulmate kissing your forehead when he thinks you're sound asleep |
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| Anonymous37807, Blue_Bird
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Member Since Oct 2013
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 78
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Nov 08, 2013 at 03:48 AM
#111
Haven't si'd since the 3rd. My parents found out that I continued to injure myself.. as well as my psychologist. Part of me wants to stop, but at the same time I feel like I deserve it.
Terrible urges. __________________ i wrote the gospel on giving up |
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| bronzeowl
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Dec 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,537
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Nov 08, 2013 at 05:59 PM
#112
Have had an extremely stressful few days which would normally send me into a tailspin but I'm actually doing ok. Urges are there but am managing to get through them.
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| Blue_Bird, notz
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,484
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Nov 09, 2013 at 08:07 PM
#113
No urges the past few days
__________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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| notz
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,484
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Nov 10, 2013 at 08:28 PM
#114
Back to having strong urges
__________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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| Anonymous200125
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Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Lala land
Posts: 145
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Nov 11, 2013 at 08:10 PM
#115
So angry at myself! I don't know whether cutting will make me feel better or worse at this point! Ugh!!!!! Punched a wall and cut my knuckles and now the pain has worn off from that and all I want is to feel pain!
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| Anonymous200125
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Veteran Member
Member Since Aug 2013
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
Posts: 550
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Nov 13, 2013 at 11:11 AM
#116
Lasted a day out of the hospital not cutting. I didn't even want to do it, I am just so anxious and the medication is not working as well now that I am back in the real world. I think I deliberately sabotaged myself.
__________________ I am not this hair, I am not this skin. I am the soul that lives within.
Prozac 40mg, Neurontin 400 mg TID, Remeron 45mg depression, anxiety, borderline, social phobia, ed nos, self injury. |
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| Anonymous200125
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Veteran Member
Member Since Aug 2013
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
Posts: 550
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Nov 14, 2013 at 02:38 PM
#117
Told my dad about my cutting yesterday and haven't had an a large urge since. Thought about it a lot. Feel really guilty about it.
__________________ I am not this hair, I am not this skin. I am the soul that lives within.
Prozac 40mg, Neurontin 400 mg TID, Remeron 45mg depression, anxiety, borderline, social phobia, ed nos, self injury. |
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| Blue_Bird
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,484
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Nov 14, 2013 at 04:16 PM
#118
No urges today
__________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Member
Member Since Oct 2013
Location: England.
Posts: 124
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Nov 14, 2013 at 04:35 PM
#119
Such a strong urge last night and I didn't do it. I had to really struggle with myself. It's been creeping up often in my mind lately even though it's been two months since I last harmed.
Then today, I put my hand in my bag for my ipod and pulled it out and one of my old blades was stuck to the magnet on the ipod cover. I think it was a sign, no joke. __________________ I hear that song but something is wrong,
my mind’s a million miles away, oh, everybody’s going to the floor, maybe I don’t want to dance anymore, don’t want to dance anymore, how can you dance the pain away? <3 |
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| Blue_Bird, falsememory7
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Member Since Sep 2013
Location: False Memories
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Nov 14, 2013 at 07:38 PM
#120
Last night/early this morning, I had really bad urges. I had something trigger me, and it was really strong - I felt useless, stupid, naïve, immature, and so terrible about myself, and I thought about how wonderful it would feel to just give in, and let my worries and insecurities bleed out... but then I remembered some of the things that I've read on the SI forum, of where people were before, and how they've overcome it. Hearing people's stories, and seeing how strong they were, and how much they believed in me... and I knew I couldn't disappoint myself again. It was really difficult, and I cried, and cried, and cried myself to sleep... But when I woke up this morning, I felt better. I was still sad, but my urges weren't there anymore, and I felt really happy that I didn't give in.
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| Anonymous200125, Anonymous37807
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