SI Daily Check In

Seeing the scars and really hating them, what on earth was I thinking?? every time I cut thinking it would make me feel better. I'm so happy it's been over a month, that's the longest I've gone in awhile, I plan on celebrating with a tattoo when not "if" I make it to 1 year SI free

Stronger urges today but no si so far. I hate the way it looks and I just wish there was something I could do that's not visible that works. Struggling alone.

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Seems like a lot of people are struggling at the moment. Just wanted to send 's and let you know I'm thinking of you.

Hang in there guys. Try to remember that the urges will pass. It will get easier again

I'm totally alone. The urge is intense.

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Couldn't fight the urges today and slipped up. Can't sleep tonight and the urges are just as bad as they usually are when I don't give in. I don't know why I even try to fight this anymore...

This probably makes no sense, but I have been having urges from akathisia because I have been pacing non stop and can't sit still or focus on anything, it's driving me crazy, cutting comes to mind as something that will calm be down but I know it really won't, I just have to make it through till my appointment next Tuesday when I can get my meds adjusted.

Really sucks that si was the best part of my day today.

I had a box where I kept my tools but I threw out my tools several months ago and I have not cut in a little over a year, so the box has been empty for quite some time. Today I put stuff in the box again and even cleaned a few tools. I hoarded other things too, like band-aids and rubber bands. I didn't SI though and I hope I won't. But I'm starting to feel that jittery feeling again.

- AJ

No urges today so far. Too mentally exhausted from yesterday to want to do anything today.

I did yesterday. The leader of my DBT group was already on me the first day (Monday) to hand my tools in. I've thrown some away, but now I'm down to my last tool and don't want to give up my safety blanket. I only get urges because I am so ashamed of what I've done. Hopefully I can keep thinking about the group leader and how much she already wants to help to keep myself safe tonight.

No SI today, but did last night. I turned in my last tool to my DBT leader... I was terrified! I want to make a change. Now I'm seeing things I could use everywhere.

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I'm back to having strong urges again..it's so tempting. I feel like I'm going to have to cut if this depression and anxiety doesn't ease up soon

You know, I can't say I've ever been addicted to cutting before. It's always been an unhealthy coping mechanism that I just chose to do. But after a year of it, I think I'm starting to get addicted. And I don't even care. I should. But I don't. I am, however, starting to realize why it's not a good thing to do. Because afterwards I disconnect from the situation and I don't deal with it, then I forget it until next time... so it only helps in the short run. But that doesn't make me wanna stop.

I am trying very hard not to cut. I have had this thought in my mind for days now.
Pdoc took me off celexa and now I am losing it. will call doctor tomorrow.
Just need a way out of my crazy mind

Did last night...I am trying to distract today. Hopefully I can keep it together, last night was hard.

WARNING: TRIGGERING- Strong urges, I have an x-acto knife, it's really hard to not just do it, just once to get some relief. I think I'm going to end up ruining my progress tonight, none of my coping strategies are helping.

Throw it out! Put it in a container of water and freeze it! I know how hard it is to resist when the blade is RIGHT THERE. I'm here for you.

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i have such bad thoughts in my head. That the only way get rid of. them to cut or hurt myself in order for them to go away.My pdoc and tdoc did not return my calls yesterday.
I know I need a med change and hopefully they will call me back today.

I made it through last night somehow, now to distract myself for the next few days till my appointment to get my meds adjusted.

I cut last night not a lot but still I did

I haven't done it in a few weeks, but the urges are coming at me again. I was able to stop for over a year before but this year I've cut more than I have in the past 3 years! It's embarrassing, to say the least.

Didn't yesterday...but everything in my apartment is a potential weapon right now

I know the feeling. When the urges get bad everything starts looking like a weapon.

Thanks I was walking through the store the other day and was thinking, I could use that, and that... Ugh it definitely comes and goes, but I can't get rid of everything!!

Had the urge two nights ago. Did not give in.