hi.

how many people here actually have reasons for doing what they do, and how many just feel they need to do it (kind of like a part of them?)

for me, it is the latter- not doing it to me is for me, the same as not getting the daily essentials of life... eating, breathing, that kind of thing

but i know some people have reasons everytimne they do it

so what about you all..

[Samanthagreene]

I SI when I want to kill myself, because it seems like the better option. I know a lot of people with eating disorders also SI to 'purge' themselves or because they hate themselves. Also, people who dissociate SI to come back to reality.

[gayleggg]

I SI'ed when my feelings get too much to deal with. It brings me back to the present and more in control. I did quit several years ago, but still think about when I start to feel overwhelmed, especially in a public atmophere.

[atomicc]

I self SI in order to punish myself for being bad and worthless. It's always been about punishment for me.

[Patagonia]

I only started to SI in my mid 20's. I use it as a pressure release when things get really bad & I'm feeling overwhelmed. When I need to "feel" something instead of feeling dead inside. I'm also very careful to hide it from others.

There was an aspect of "guilt" over some things I have done.

But, generally speaking - I do SI because I really, REALLY do not like myself. Hate is a good word.

[BubbleBoy]

I usually SI over feelings about myself. I agree that hate is probably the right word to use. I tend to use it to help me remove the thoughts of suicide from my mind but the last couple of times SIing I notice that I am also lightly cutting my wrist. This is a little concerning to me since I feel that it is a way for me to start with the wrist so when that time comes I will be prepared to actually go deeper.

I SI on prozac. It really got out of hand when I was on an SSRI and I don't know why.

[Poppy Princess]

I pretty much don't SI anymore. It no longer does anything for me. Thing is I feel even more depressed.

[tealBumblebee]

I have never si'd out of addiction to it, imo. I can go weeks without doing it and be perfectly fine. When I do do it, i'm usually feeling particularly low (self loathing) or stressed out. And its really just a release that relaxes my whole body - it just doesn't satisfy me until my emotions have been allowed to build up.

I don't know if this counts as a reason or a need - I think it falls somewhere in between. I'm not really sure why I do it, but I like that I have it as an option.

[Sterella]

I used to only be triggered by confrontation, self-hate, suicidal thoughts, and high expectations. Now, I just sort of get "cravings" all the time that wont leave me alone. For no reason! And when there is a reason (triggers stated before) it is nearly impossible to resist.

[imnotokayipromise]

I SI for actually a few reasons.

Low self esteem or blaming myself for something/general self loathing, stress/anxiety and needing to relax, feeling numb, feeling suicidal. Also it's probably to the point of addiction, as I haven't gone more than a few weeks without.

I always thought I was the only one who si'd because of suicidal thoughts/in order to prevent doing something more extreme. It's oddly comforting to know I'm not. Makes me feel a bit less weird.

I sincerely believe if I did not SH, that my only alternative would be suicide.

I see SH as a really good thing. I know that is twisted to the "normals", but I know in my heart - without SH..... the ending would messy

[Victoria'smom]

I SI when I'm manic and feel if I don't I will cause serious physical harm to myself or others because of anger.

[bronzeowl]

There usually is a trigger for me. I have yet to pinpoint the exact trigger, but I have noticed that something in me clicks and triggers it.