So I have been cutting for about 9 years now. As you would imagine I have quite a lot of scars...arms are covered in them. But I never thought it was 'bad'. I mean, never needed stitches, always cleaned up after myself, no infections etc.

Due to keeping my arms covered at all times my T has never seen the extent of the scarring, he asks about them but respects that I don't want to show them. When I saw the pdoc last week she had to take my blood pressure so had to take my hoody off. She spent a long time looking at the scars and deciding that they are really quite bad and it's more of an issue than I've made it out to be.

She then told my T about this.

I'm started to see someone new next week, in addition to my T. My meds are also changing.

Apparently everyone is quite worried about me...

Me, I just carry on doing what I do, not caused me any major problems so far. In fact, it doesn't cause the damage I want it to half the time so I don't see what all the fuss is about!

[gayleggg]

You obviously, have a very caring team of mental health providers. If they are worried you should be worried too. Follow there direction. Good luck

[falsememory7]

I understand what you mean, so much. When I began cutting, I felt on top of the world, unstoppable, invincible, and truly "happy" because I thought that I was finally getting what I deserved. But no matter why you cut, the feeling never lasts long, and it becomes an addiction. I really hope that you stop, because only then will you no longer feel the need to damage yourself

Originally Posted by gayleggg

You obviously, have a very caring team of mental health providers. If they are worried you should be worried too. Follow there direction. Good luck

It just feels like they're making making a big deal out of nothing to me... What do I know :/

Originally Posted by falsememory7

I understand what you mean, so much. When I began cutting, I felt on top of the world, unstoppable, invincible, and truly "happy" because I thought that I was finally getting what I deserved. But no matter why you cut, the feeling never lasts long, and it becomes an addiction. I really hope that you stop, because only then will you no longer feel the need to damage yourself

I have stopped in the past, or at least it's been much better. Recent times it has got worse again though. And yeah, admittedly it's worse than it used to be.

You're right, it is an addiction, right now I'm not sure I'm ready to stop. I don't think I'm even wanting to stop...I like it too much. I like the damage I do to myself. I like that I'm capable of inflicting that much damage to myself. Messed up really...

I was in a similar position once. Now my arms and legs are completely scarred up and I hate it. When I tan they stick out white as white and I have cysts and growths on me from the skin damage I did. I never thought mine was that bad either, only needed stitches a few times, its nothing Nobody can meet me without noticing scars and knowing I was mentally ill at some stage of my life. Wish I knew then what I know now! ITS NOT WORTH IT. But spose it doesnt matter what I or anyone else says, you are not going to stop until you want to.

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

It just feels like they're making making a big deal out of nothing to me..

Boy can I relate to this.......... I guess it depends on what your goal is. Do you want to stop? If so - then you have to follow what they say. If you are not ready to stop - then you have to play the game and tell them what they want to hear.

Best wishes to you. And you may want to look into DBT.

I don't get it really. I just realised through reading these posts that actually I don't want to stop. I used to want to stop. What changed? Did I just give up?

I've never once been offered DBT, its the group side of it that wouldn't work for me. I just freeze in group situations.

[Fuzzybear]

[Victoria'smom]

I think you really need to tell them you use to want to stop but now you don't. That way they don't start at a spot you aren't ready for. They first got to get you to the spot that you want help be it learning how 'bad' it is, how much it affects your choice or something else before they can help you.

You reckon? I guess you have a point. Just not sure if I'm ready to face this, face up to it.

[Victoria'smom]

Facing up to it is sounds like you did something wrong. you didn't! They just are asking you to do something that you can not yet.