[tealBumblebee]

So, last month (i think, maybe two?) I forced myself to vomit. I was very upset, and literally felt like my ball of emotions was in my stomach. However, I don't want the eroding teeth, etc. and decided to not do that again. After about two days the urges went away.

Today, I purged (although, forgive me if i'm not using the correct term) after dinner simply because I felt like self harming. I'd cut about an hour before and just made up my mind that I would purge as well.

Is this self harm if I don't do it more than once a month? I know its not "healthy" but right now, thats not my concern. Does it even "count" as self harm? While I would like to lose weight (most women probably do at some point or another), that is not my intent behind doing it. I could care less about weight loss, and I did not overeat before doing it. I simply ate my normal portion and then went to do it. It feels like a "less permanent" way to self harm then cutting?

I sincerely apologize if this post is offensive to anyone, I'm not trying to step on any toes for anyone who has a legitimate eating disorder, nor am I trying to develop one. I simply had the idea to do it before, and now, a month or two later I had the notion to do it again.

I told T the first time I did it (and that I didn't intend to do it again) and she didn't say anything about it - so I really don't think its a big deal, I would just rather it not develop into something bigger. Is that possible?

Yes it's a form of self harm. I'm not saying it's an eating disorder though. But you have the same intense feelings that I have when I cut, I just need a release. Cutting, purging are both ways to achieve this.

Just keep an eye on it I guess

[tealBumblebee]

Okie doke. I will. I know I did it to self harm just wasn't sure if it would count. If anything, I know its not an Eating Disorder. I just kind of wonder if this would be a less damaging way (since its so far apart) to achieve self harm without so many permanent effects. I have lots of scars that i'm okay with, but if I continue solely cutting... what started off as a small area on my ankle has spread to a larger degree there, and now other areas and I just don't see myself restricting it much longer. I need a more healthy alternative, even if it could include saving up til "the 25th" of each month to purge or whatever.

I wrote a reply but lost it

You know that you purged for the same reason as cutting. It's the same deal. Just because there are no visible scars doesn't mean that there is no damage.

Thinking of you. I wish I could remember all my good points before I lost it all:/

[tealBumblebee]

I totally understand, lost an awesome post yesterday lol. Thanks for the reply and the thoughts!

Just know that I care