I'm sick of feeling that the only way I can deal with things is to use self harm. Even though I haven't done it in a while its always on my mind.,I know that I would feel better if I just did it but then I would feel like a failure because I did it. These conflicting feelings are driving me insane.

I wish I had never started. Even when I try to use different positive coping strategies it seems to never make me feel as good as when I was serif harming. Why can't I get rid of the urge

I hate it and I hate feeling this way.