Collapsing (trigger)

This has quite possibly been the worst week in months, years, and I don't even know why. I'm just so... weak, maybe? I only managed an hour of sleep last night, and cut more and more. No matter what I do, I feel like someone's sitting on my chest, pushing against me, trying to suffocate me. I can't care about myself anymore, so I've tried to care about my friends, who are in therapy, but my closest friend isn't taking it well and it's just hurting me more. I don't know what to do. It's like there's a huge black cloud hanging over me, and it doesn't feel like letting me go. I'm moving away from my friends - my only real stability - in three months, and I couldn't even promise them that I wouldn't commit suicide after I left. How can I know whether or not I will? I'm so lost now, what's going to happen when my stability is gone?

I'm just ranting, looking for a few uplifting words.

No matter what, keep breathing.

Silentscream

How about a {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}?

Caring about your friends is a very good idea. Even if they don't take it well, or aren't able to show that it helps them, it will make a difference to you and to them.

I hope that things turn around for you soon. Maybe Spring will help when it arrives. Some day you will look back on this and it will be difficult to comprehend that you felt this bad. Feb. 24, 2003 was the day I reached my low point (the incident where neighbors called the police because they saw what I had done to myself). Remembering it now, on one level it does't seem real. I go back and read things that I wrote less than a year ago, and can't quite imagine feeling that way now.

Yes, I know it's hard, but hang in there. It really does get better.

<font color=orange>"Everyone has a need for significance; and if we can't make that possible, or even probable, in our society, then it will be obtained in destructive ways." -Rollo May</font color=orange>

Sweetheart,
Lack of sleep makes everything 100 times worse. I will be writing about my own sleep problems in just a couple of minutes. I feel it is extremely important for you to get some sleep. If you are in therapy call your person about getting meds to help you sleep. If you are not in therapy you need to get some medical attention soon if the sleepless night last any longer. Just your not being able to promise your friends you wouldn't commit suicide is a good indicator you need help right now, consider going to the emergency room. It is hard enough to cope with our problem let alone trying to cope when we are dead tired.
Take care,
Carrie