[izzyfg2000]

I cut myself for the first time tonight. It wasn't anything big, really. Just a few, tiny cuts on the back of my hand from dragging some scissors across it. I don't know it i'll do it again or not. Don't worry about me, though. Anyway, what was it like when you first cut yourself? Was it like mine, or was it much different?

[SheHulk07]

sorry I replied on the wrong thread

before I talk about what I have done and how and why.... can you first express WHY you feel the need to SH?

[izzyfg2000]

Originally Posted by Useless Me

before I talk about what I have done and how and why.... can you first express WHY you feel the need to SH?

Because I feel like I want to inflect pain on myself. It's kind of the same with a lot of people. I'm stressed, and paranoid, and sad. It's hard to explain, but that's the best that i can do.

kk. fair enough.

i tried scissors - found that they really do not work well. I tried kitchen knives - they were not "handy" for when I needed to use them. Went on to pocket knives - they were not really very sharp.

Eventually I found that utility knives / razorblades did the best for me. They can cut enough to bleed (without a ton of force and not much pain)..... I do not seek pain. When I see my blood - I get a release of stress and a feeling of coping and maybe even some empowerment.

It works for me.

BUT.... that being said. I have to be honest. Your post literally made me cry a little. It breaks my heart to see a younger person (like yourself) who is suffering. It just *feels* unfair that you are struggling so much.