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#1
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![]() ![]() I've started pricking myself with the needle poker thing that diabetics use to get blood to test their sugar levels. I don't mind the pain, but what attracts me is how much blood I can milk from my finger. I find myself drawing with it and just captivated by it and I realize it's sick, but I sometimes collect it in a little jar just to see how much blood I can get - it's very calming. I told T I have something new i've been doing in place of cutting that is less damaging and doesn't scar. I haven't told her what it is yet, but i'm not sure why as i'm usually pretty open with her about it. I'm thinking I am embarrassed as to how I obtain the "weapon" (through work) - as it feels like stealing even though they are free to use. (Like thermometer covers, no one cares about them but they still are not yours to take.) When she asked what it was I told her I didn't want to tell her and kept going with what I was talking about. She backtracked and asked why I didn't want to tell her and I found myself getting snippy/defensive (very unlike me) and told her (before I knew what was coming out of my mouth) "I just don't want to." Usually, that statement is followed by a look of shame, but this time it was almost a glare. She didn't push the issue and I kind of am surprised at myself. But I started to realize, I kind of like doing it regardless of if I feel bad, stressed or not. Like, I watch a movie and prick. So would this really count as self harm or not so much?
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A majorly depressed, anxious and dependent, schizotypal hypomanic beautiful mess ...[just a rebel to the world with no place to go... ![]() |
![]() Onward2wards, Silent_Efforts, themonster7, ThisWayOut
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#2
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i hope the needle is CLEAN......
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#3
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Brand new.
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A majorly depressed, anxious and dependent, schizotypal hypomanic beautiful mess ...[just a rebel to the world with no place to go... ![]() |
![]() Anonymous100108
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#4
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I think anything you do to cause harm to yourself is considered si. Or maybe you're just fascinated by blood. I think it's up to your intent when you do it.
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![]() falsememory7, tealBumblebee
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#5
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So maybe half and half then...
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A majorly depressed, anxious and dependent, schizotypal hypomanic beautiful mess ...[just a rebel to the world with no place to go... ![]() |
#6
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Sorry buddy, but I think it counts.
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It's not as if this barricade blocks the only road It's not as if you're all alone in wanting to explode Someone set a bad example, made surrender seem alright The act of a noble warrior, who lost the will too fight. |
![]() tealBumblebee
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#7
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Monster!
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__________________
A majorly depressed, anxious and dependent, schizotypal hypomanic beautiful mess ...[just a rebel to the world with no place to go... ![]() |
![]() Anonymous100108
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#8
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Perception IS reality.... I agree.
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![]() falsememory7, Onward2wards, Silent_Efforts, tealBumblebee
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