[x_BabyG_x]

This is so hard...

I keep telling myself I deserve better than the self abuse I crave So bad. I know I deserve better.

[smmath]

I think that telling yourself those things will help you. You DO deserve better, and you don't deserve or need to be hurt.

[x_BabyG_x]

Thanks smmath

I ended up caving In tonight and relapsing for the first time since last summer. I allowed it to happen, rather than waiting until I totally lost control. I've been through the worst storms recently, so I gave myself this one. Forgive and forget.

Unfortunately this doesn't apply to my partner. He's pissed at me x

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Originally Posted by x_BabyG_x

.....Unfortunately this doesn't apply to my partner. He's pissed at me ....

JUST MY OPINION - Feel free to ignore this.....

I am sorry to hear this (what you said). More accurately - I am a bit angry..... at him.

You are in pain, you are NOT getting the support you need from him that ultimately leads you to "cope" in a way that he does not like. Maybe HE should be more supportive. Sounds like his response is every bit *upside down* as your self harm is.......

Do NOT put up with his anger. You do not deserve that, you do not need that................

[x_BabyG_x]

Thank you Hun. I was thinking about this last night. He makes it about him. He just turned his back on me, huffed and went to sleep. He knows I'm struggling with anxiety and med withdrawal and a codeine addiction I'm trying to quit. So a controlled and honest cut just to perk me up is hardly a sin.

You're right. I do need more support. But at the end of the day... I don't expect someone who has never been through it themselves to understand x

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I believe that it is very true that the *normals* of this world will never really understand us. They can use all the fancy shrink terms of coping and dysfunctional and all that crap - but it does not come close to really grasping the NEED to simply see a little trickle of blood. Or how one cut may be all you want, but by the time you are done - to have 50 or 500 may be exactly what you needed.

They are not capable of understanding that pain you have in your leg as you walk through your workplace is a net good. It is your secret and your treasure. It is an adult safety-blanket.

*HUGS to you.

[x_BabyG_x]

Hugs back to you lovely x

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