[Ima_failure]

since I was 16 and diagnosed with schizphrenia I have self harmed. I have major scaring on my arms and medium to minor scaring on the rest of my body. there is not one part of my body that is'nt scared. I am now 36. most of my self harm has been from cigarette burns and cutting. since I met and married my husband my problem has got alot better.I have tried very hard and it's not been a easy battle.
over the last month or so I have been mentally unwell I've had my medication changed and I'm still adjusting that. my stress levels have gone way though the roof and I've had constant thoughts of burning and cutting myself and worse so far I haven't but I have been scratching myself and making sores over my chest and stomach and legs and then constantly picking and picking at them and making them bigger and bigger and more infected. I saw myself in the mirror today and saw that I'd made a mess of myself and hated myself. It was then I realised that I have still been selfharming. nothing has changed. I'm out of control I carn't stop. I dont think I even want to stop because it helps me cope. my husbands upset with me because he sees the horrible mess i've made of myself and it upsets him. I don't want to upset him cause I love him dearly but what about me. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid my self harming is going to go further and I car'nt handle these feelings I'm having. I'm scared my hubby is going to leave me if I don't control these cancerous feelings that are eating away at me .please somone help me. give me some advice that will help me or I afraid my life is'nt going to be worth living much longer. I'm at my witts end all I want to do is screem and cry and hide away from the world. I carn't cope....