Think I've realised something

I had an interview (well, "informal chat", they called it) today about a volunteering position locally. It went quite well, I think, but at one point the man "chatting" with me said to me "it's ok, there's no need to be nervous!". I didn't feel particularly nervous - or at least, I didn't think so - but since then I've realised that I actually felt the way I did in that interview most of the time when I was at my last job. I hadn't realised it was nerves, but it makes sense - I was very aware that if I made a mistake I could be fired, and so I was always trying to be perfect...and it was exhausting! I practically had a panic attack one time when I did something wrong and the supervisor noticed, because I was convinced I was going to lose my job. (I didn't.)

That wasn't the only reason I didn't like my last job, but I've been wondering why I'm trying so hard to avoid working there again, and I think this might have something to do with it. Problem is, though, that it would apply to any employment I have. I don't like letting people down at the best of times, but to make a mistake and to lose my job as a result...that really scares me. I know it's not quite that simple, but I guess it means I can never relax when I'm working.

I've been worried before that I'm never going to find a job that I like, and this is just making it more likely. Is there anything I can do?

(Any advice to stop me looking like a frightened rabbit in job interviews would be much appreciated, too. )

Tell yourself "I feel like a frightened rabbit" -- and let yourself feel that way! Sounds wrong, doesn't it? But if you can let yourself realize that is what you feel like, it may be better than trying to hide it from yourself and others.

Other people don't always know what you are feeling! You can feel like a frightened rabbit and they might not have a clue!

Thanks, pachyderm. I've never thought of it that way before, but seeing as people can usually tell I'm nervous even if I think I'm hiding it or even if I don't actually realise I'm nervous at all, maybe there's just no point in hiding it?

well maybe with this new knowledge things will get better?

I have a lot of fear of making a mistake at work, particularly at a new job I don't know very well. The job I am at now I decided to do something about it at the very beginning. I was scared to death going in the first time and I told the people "I am so nervous." I put it right out there. In the past I have always tried to hide it and look totally compitant. This time I told them right out that I was nervous and scared. You now what they said? "Any mistake you make can be fixed." Can you believe that?!? I was still scared to death every time I went to work for the next year but I would chant that in my head. It became my mantra. I been working there three years now, the anxiety has dropped considerably but sometimes it still pops up when I make a mistake. I want to run and hide, then I chant the mantra in my head and go to the person who might be able to fix it. Fortunately in my job everybody is willing to admit they make mistakes, that helps.
Zen

Thanks, BalishBun. That would be nice - I guess awareness is the first step!

Thanks, Zenobia. Wow, sounds like you've got some very supportive co-workers! I'm glad that helped you.

I'm really nervous at work too. I just started a new job April 1 and am still on probation, so I'm terrified of making a mistake or asking for time off for pdoc appointments. But so far, it's been good. I'll just be glad when July 2'nd hits and I'm over the probationary period.

I don't know if this would be financially feasible for you but one of the best things I did when I was job hunting was have a session with a communications consultant. We basically had 2 2hr sessions where she did mock interviews and video'd me. Then we'd playback my responses and she was able to point out some really subtle things that weren't helping my chances and gave me some really concrete adivce about fixing them. After my sessions with her, I found my experiences with recruiters got much better, and I kept getting called back for second interviews more frequentlly.

Everyone is nervous in a job interview. So I try to get to them about 10=15 minutes early and just sit in my car doing deep breathing exercises. I find it helps calm me down. I'd also suggest doing practice interviews with a friend - that way you have a chance to reherse your answers.

Good luck.

--splitimage

Thanks, splitimage. Glad it's been fine for you so far!

That does sound helpful! It probably would be too expensive, though, especially since I'm a student. Deep breathing exercises sound cheaper. And I like the sound of practice interviews with friends, too!

Thanks again.

I knew this would happen...I've only been working 5 days in total, and it's already really wearing me out. Today wasn't a very good day - half the things I was asked to do I did wrong because I'd never done them before, and even though nobody minded much it made me feel like a complete moron and I was dreading going back after lunch. It doesn't matter how hard I work - I was told by the manager "don't work yourself to breaking point" when I was still trying to find files for him near the end of the day after most of the staff had gone home - there's always something that goes wrong, it never seems good enough.

It's stuff like this that almost makes me miss school...at least then I knew what I was doing.

Hi Rio, sorry I missed the first part of your thread. I read through it and I can really relate to a lot of what you are going through.

Things are starting to get a little better for me, but generally, work is torture. I get so anxious about making a mistake that I become paralyzed and I can't do anything.

What changed for me....it has only been a week since I started feeling better so I am not sure. I have made a break through in therapy and I am taking my meds. I have been doing positive self talk--telling myself good things--pointing out the good things to myself. I think this keeps me from dwelling on the bad.

Sounds like you might want to listen to your manager--take his comment to heart--really pay attention to it--repeat it to yourself.

I am sorry, it sounds like I am giving advice. I try really hard not to do that. I just really feel for you. This is something, for me, I had to work on...it did not just go away on its own.

It is nice not to be so incredibly worried and miserable...

Thanks, DePressMe. Sorry you can relate. Glad things are starting to get better for you, though. Positive self talk is really hard!

You're right about the manager's comment, I think. (Don't worry about giving advice - I like advice! ) It's hard, though, because I'm used to doing what people tell me and keeping quiet if it feels like too much. I haven't been taking lunch breaks unless either the supervisor or the manager has specifically told me to go and get lunch, so some days I haven't had lunch until the end of work because they never mentioned it (luckily, my day usually finishes at around 3:30 - it's not a 9 to 5). My parents say that I should just go for lunch and not worry about waiting to be told, but I don't see anyone else doing that (most people seem to work either mornings or afternoons, not many stay the whole day)...this is one of the things that I think I'm expected to just pick up on and haven't. I don't like guessing in case I get it wrong.

Yesterday wasn't a very good day, either...my supervisor was busy trying to sort out a problem with our internet and was also being given a hard time by one of the clients, so she wasn't in a good mood, and I wasted a lot of time worrying about when I could talk to her to check what I'd done was ok because she already had a lot to deal with...and on top of that at one point I got talking to one of the other volunteers who was also waiting to talk to the supervisor, but then the conversation completely dried up and I couldn't think of anything else to say...it felt so awkward and I felt like such a bad person, it was horrible.