[sacasa]

Hi I'm Sam and I'm new to the forums. I started cutting myself when I was eleven and it was on and off and got worse and worse until I told my mom when I was 16. I think that telling made it stop helping me in the way it had for the years before. But then about a year and a half ago (when I was 19) I started to get very depressed and abused my psychiatric meds to feel something better and I would burn myself or occasionally cut or do other self-destructive things while I was high or drunk (and occasionally when I wasn't high or drunk as well). I still do this periodically. Is abusing drugs an expression of self-injury?

And I'm not sure if this is related to a specific disorder other than depression or not. My psychiatrist thinks I have a bipolar spectrum disorder (she knows about my self-injury and problems with depressive episodes and paranoia but not about abusing my meds) but I'm not sure about that. I'm just getting really frustrated with the state of my life and my mind right now and I'm kind of looking for answers. Thanks guys!

[Frankbtl]

Hi sacasa, it sounds like you've been going through a really hard time but as for diagnosis's you know that the abuse of drugs might mislead even your psychiatrist on that with them not knowing about it.
I know there must have been times when you just wanted to block out/escape from your feelings (?) but do you think you could just let your psychiatrist in on the drug use (after all you have been so open with them already!) and then if the medication you're on right now isn't really doing it for you perhaps the psychiatrist could review that.
You shouldn't need to feel forced into self medicating with abuse of your meds (or anything else), if they're not working for you as they are then you need something better. And that's what your psychiatrist should be looking at if you could just let her know??
And you know the getting high and the drinking really isn't going to help with the depression and the paranoia, right? Alcohol's a depressant, right? and getting high..........
Well, you know.............enough said, hey?
I have got to really commend you on firstly opening up to your mum then following through with the psychiatrist appointments and sharing in them though!!! I'm sure that's taken a lot to do, so really good on you!!! Just maybe don't be afraid (?) to let you're psychiatrist in on all the things you're struggling with??
Alison

[Victoria'smom]

I SI when I'm to paranoid . SI goes along with my mood swings. I really think you should tell your psychiatrist about the drug abuse as its part of bipolar.