[moodycow]

spent two days feeling angry at the world , now today i just dont know how i feel , weird thing is i si,d and im not one to do it on impulse usually have to feel really really bad and always fight the urge. only cut twice then go under control , still dont know how i feel or why i did it , any ideas ?

[Sam2]

Depression is really just anger turned inwards. Hurting other people when you are angry isn't acceptable in this society, so instead of striking outwards, you strike inwards. Some people do beat people up when they are angry, but they wind up in jail. Instead, you cut. At worst, you wind up in the psych ward, though my guess is that you try to hide what you did. After the initial relief, you feel shame and depressed.

Of the two, cutting yourself carries with it less immediate consequences ie you aren't arested, but the punishment for cutting is more depression and the feeling that you have lost control. Sometimes the punishment we dish out on ourselves is much greater than the punishment others give us or that we deserve.

You really need to talk to someone. Preferably someone who understands and works with others that cut. Would it surprise you that some psychologists do the same thing? Not nearly as many of them do it than us because part of becoming a therapist often requires the person undergoing psychotherapy themselves. The reason is two fold. First, to be a good therapist, you can't become emotionally involved. That would be damaging to the therapist, and secondly, they need to know what it feels like to have someone probing around in their heads, asking personal questioned.

At any rate, find someone you are comfortable with. The sooner you can be treated, the less likely cutting is going to become a habit that can't be controlled.

sam2

Do you reckon this is your way of trying to cope with your bad news the other day? You said you were numb before, maybe the numbness has worn off and the anger has replaced it. And to cope with the anger and all the other emotions associated with it you turned to SI. I know I have reacted similarly to bad news...that's just my take on it anyway. I hope you feel better soon, and you know you can pm me whenever