[dalila]

I was doing okay in keeping myself safe but somehow I started pulling out hair. Not on my head, at first I was pulling it out of my arms and now I am pulling out hair around my privates. I’m developing bald spots. I still want to cut or stick pins in me but so far I haven’t let myself go that far.

What's going on to make you feel this way? I hope you manage to stay strong

[dalila]

This winter has been hard; it came early and stayed late. There has just been so much snow. This brought back my depression with the craving to SI.Then I got triggered and have been having body memories from past CSA. I used to SI to stop flashbacks and so far have avoided that but it is hard.

considering your past..... i do not think that what you are doing is unusual. I do not have the skills to tell you what to do to "fix" it. Clearly your past is so sensitive that you will require professional help.

But do not think any of this is either 1) your fault or 2) not understandable.

Very sorry to read about your past. I hope (someday) you find peace within your soul.

Gods blessings to you.

[dalila]

I think I hate Mother's Day. My mother was abusive, my godmother who I lived with for several years was worse than abusive. We adopted two kids from foster care. They were so emotionally damaged that for years they worked at making me miserable on any special days.

My mother called to wish me a happy mother's day and tell me about her neighbor's assault. Poor woman was nearly burned to death by her abusive husband. Just what I needed to hear tonight. Oh and mother had to talk about how worried she is about my stepfiend, he is an alcoholic, probably has cancer from smoking and she won't believe that he raped me. So yah, happy mother's day to me -- when can I start the SI? Why the heck did I ever stop?