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#1
May 10, 2014, 08:18 PM
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I started cutting when I was ten. My mom found out in therapy when I was twelve. I cut to distract myself from the emotional pain, and focus on the physical pain instead. It is so much better than the emotional pain. Not a lot of people like my friends and family understand that, but they don't have to, because I do. When my mom takes away sharp objects to prevent me from cutting, I hit myself, punch myself, take pills, use, harm myself in any way I can find... Now there are scars and bruises all over my body.
Some people would be ashamed of their scars.. They will cover them up, be disgusted with them.. I am not like that. I think about how that razorblade helped me cope, the razorblade was the only one there for me, that could understand, that helped me cope.. It did NOT help me in the long-run, but in that moment a piece of metal was my best friend. I think about that moment. My mommy hid sharp objects, trying to help me from hurting myself in a different way. So I found something new. Using. I would go to my friends house, lying to my mother and saying it was just to hang out. My mom trusted me, and it was wrong of me to take advantage of that, but I felt like I needed it. I would get high. My brain would release the dopamine, and I would feel manic. Little did I know that it was increasing my depression in general. My depression started getting worse after I started using, because my dopamine, my happy hormone, was nowhere to be seen. Soon enough, I was using, and my normal portion wouldn't work. I had to use more and more every time to get that manic feeling. The it just stopped working all together, and I was even more upset.. I had to use something stronger, but I didn't get the chance to. And I'm glad. |
 Anonymous100108, celtic.starlite, Espresso, smmath
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#2
May 10, 2014, 09:22 PM
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I am sorry you have had to go through these things, but it shows how strong you are.
Are you in therapy now? |
| satcat
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#3
May 11, 2014, 08:58 PM
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Quote:
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| smmath
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#4
May 11, 2014, 09:33 PM
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Is therapy helping? I mean do you feel like it is providing the support that you need?
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#5
May 30, 2014, 08:50 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Unhappy Cali |
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#6
May 30, 2014, 09:35 PM
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I think many of us here will understand. I also think that if you feel your T doesn't understand you may need to look for another T, I know that can be scary.
Hang in there, Celtic |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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