[rave]

My sister tried to make a joke to my mom about some scars and was like "look mom, she's been hurting herself!" And I panicked. It totally freaked me out because my family doesn't know about it, and I really don't want them to....

it is very difficult to understand the context of what she was saying.....

I will try to be optimistic and guess that she is worried about you and she does not know how to approach the subject. Maybe this is her way of trying to get you help.?.?.?

I can fully understand how that would be upsetting to hear (would freak you out). I hope you endured the awkwardness of her comment.

[rave]

No,that's honestly how my family jokes. It's not meant to be hurtful or anything. Like if you're tired and start slurring your words or something someone will probably say something about having too much to drink (that would be a joke because none of us really drink). Its the same thing with what my sister said. She was just kidding, but she actually hit the nail on the head.
I did make it through dinner after that, thank goodness no one said anything else about it. But I felt super uncomfortable the rest of the night....

**HUGS**

I find it somewhat amusing within my head.... when I am freaking out and I know that the people around me have no clue.... NO CLUE of me freaking out. Apparently I am good at masking. Sounds like you are pretty good at it too.

[Idiot17]

Brain is all fuzzy so can't fully read but sending ((((rave))))

[rave]

Yeah I think it's funny in a way. Cause I know no one else noticed I was freaking out. Not funny at the time though haha. Yeah I'm pretty good at masking. I'm the enigma and no one even knows

[Perna]

It seems an odd thing to joke about though, "hurting herself" -- has anyone else in your family: siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. done any SI in the past that you know of? Yes, slurring one's words is a very common "drunk" action (that or having a stroke) but SI is not "common"? Were you all discussing/talking about it at all perhaps? Commenting on something seen on TV or does your sister have friends who SI? Where did she get the concept?

[rave]

My nephew did years and years ago. No, it's never really been a topic of conversation. It hasn't been on TV that I've seen and I don't know that she has any SI ing friends. She's not a younger sister, so its not like "where did your little mind get that?" I mean, I never even thought it strange that she made the joke, it was just alarming that she got it right. My fam usually just makes weird jokes in that way. I don't know......

[Perna]

Your nephew, her son?

[rave]

No a different sister's son. I have a really big family....

[rave]

Ahh my brother just did the same thing! I was leaving his house, and as we were saying goodbye he was like "look she's a cutter." Referring to scars on my arm. I just played it off like a joke, but seriously! I'm so afraid of them finding out....

can i ask a serious question (which is unusual for me). But what if they DID know that you self-harm?

What is the worst thing about them knowing? My guess (and it is only a guess) is that if they knew - it would not be nearly as bad as your mind is letting you think it would be.

HUGS

[rave]

I don't know..... I guess I just don't want to deal with them. I don't want their pity or help. Which is probably stupid of me. I almost feel like they don't deserve to help, if that makes sense. Like why would I want help from the one who was the reason I started self harming?