[Lemongrab]

For the past few days I have been having vivid imaginings of cutting myself to relieve the pain inside of me. I see myself cutting the underside of my upper arm, then fast forwarding to seeing the scar as a symbol of how I survived these emotions. I am having a very difficult time with my family at the moment and on top of that my boyfriend's family are starting to get tired of me because I am not happy and sociable at events and functions all the time...the reason being because these emotions are so strong within me.
I feel like a failure to my father and my brother and I are still not talking.
I have never been a cutter. I have never cut myself in my life, and I am ashamed to admit that I looked at cutters with disdain. Now, for the first time ever, the thought of buying razors and quietly letting the emotions bleed out has been entering my mind frequently. What should I do?

[TheWell]

It's sort of the same with any smoker if you ask them if you should start smoking. I wish I never started. I have so many scars that I will have to explain to someone some day. If you can find a healthier coping mechanism than cutting I would recommend going that route. It's so hard to stop once you start.

Good luck,
W

[i dont matter]

What should you do??

In my opinion - first do not start harming yourself (in any form of harm). It really does lead to more and more and more.

Secondly - you said you feel like a failure to your father. I am a father and I can not express how much my girls mean to me. And there is absolutely nothing that they could say or do that would reduce my love for them. I would wager your father feels the same. He may not express it well, but at the most basic level - he does love you. So, that being said - go talk to him. Be HONEST with him. Tell him in what ways you are struggling. Be blunt, do not parse your words or say things in "hints". If you feel like harming yourself - tell him. If you feel like dying - tell him.

May he be rattled? Yes. But, I can promise you this - he will be honored that you went to him looking for help. It is a guy thing - we WANT to help, to protect those that we love.

Let him help.

my advice is please, please don't start. Its so addictive and destructive, and if you have a naturally 'sensitive' or slightly obsessive brain, it can literally ruin your life. Not a day goes by without urges for me as i have an obsessive personality. Just please don't start.

[Idiot17]

Good luck fending of the need and please do try to do so.

[Lemongrab]

I haven't done it yet and I don't think I actually will, it's just so strange to suddenly start having these thoughts.

Secondly - you said you feel like a failure to your father. I am a father and I can not express how much my girls mean to me. And there is absolutely nothing that they could say or do that would reduce my love for them. I would wager your father feels the same. He may not express it well, but at the most basic level - he does love you. So, that being said - go talk to him. Be HONEST with him. Tell him in what ways you are struggling. Be blunt, do not parse your words or say things in "hints". If you feel like harming yourself - tell him. If you feel like dying - tell him.

May he be rattled? Yes. But, I can promise you this - he will be honored that you went to him looking for help. It is a guy thing - we WANT to help, to protect those that we love.

I appreciate your input, and I'm sure you're a wonderful father...but you don't know mine. He does not understand mental illness whatsoever. He constantly talks about how my mom with bipolar and my sister with bulimia have spent all his money and been such disappointments...now for me to go to him and say that I am also afflicted will just paint me with the same brush He won't be honoured, he will just be irritated.