[Mortis]

I live with my soon to be ex wife (who already has a boyfriend; the man she cheated on me with) and her family. Her father is an alcoholic and so am I. He locks up his beer, but the temptation is always there. Two nights ago, I was craving alcohol so badly, that I decided to walk 2 miles in the dark to the beer distributor. They were closing in 45 minutes, and it takes approximately 40 minutes to walk there. Afraid of not making it in time, I decided to jog most of the way there. I became dehydrated and felt like passing out at times, but I didn't care. I wanted beer. I ended up making it 5-10 minutes before they closed. Got an 18 pack and walked the 2 miles back to the house. At times I wasn't sure I would make it, but my determination to get back and get my fix overcame it.
As I had mistakenly thought I could have control over how much I drank many times before, I thought the same thing that night. Turns out I was wrong as usual. I don't remember how many I had, but I was certainly wasted. Out of nowhere, I had the desire to end my life; from the combination of a failed marriage, mental health problems, and feeling utterly alone and unwanted.
I called a good friend of mine from Arizona to tell her goodbye. I then wrote several suicide notes. I walked down the street to a small bridge running over a stream. I walked down to the stream and sat in the grass. I decided to record a suicide message on my phone. After I finished the message, I noticed that my phone was dying. The power button no longer works, so I have to make sure it doesn't die or it won't turn back on. I got up to head back to the house to plug it in. On my way back, my parents pulled up beside me and told me to get in the car. They then took me to the hospital and eventually back to their house.
It turns out that my friend called my parents, my soon to be ex wife, and the state police. She definitely saved my life that night. I was pissed then, but now that I am in my right mind, I am very grateful.
My family, friends, psychiatrist, and counselor all agree that it is toxic for me to still be living with my wife and her family. I agree, but I am terrified of change. Regardless, I know I need to face my fear because things aren't working the way they are now.

[Bill3]

I am really glad that you were able to get help when you really needed it.

(((((Mortis)))))

[Fuzzybear]

[Idiot17]

(((((Hugs)))))