I fell down the stairs. Fell on a bunch of stuff that was on the floor. It was a shock, and I got hurt, but afterward, I wanted a repeat. How odd is this? I've SI' d before but this is different since I didn't cause the injury in the first place. Am I making any sense?

[gma45]

I am glad you are alright, you could have really caused some damage to yourself. I am wondering what you were feeling at the time? And my thought is maybe because you really felt something weather good or bad is why you wanted a repeat. I know sometimes I just want to know I am alive and that I still can feel something as I go along with my depression. I don't know, I may be way off, it's just a thought. Please no more falling down the stairs and I hope you feel better soon.

When I was falling I felt "ok this is it" I was resigned to whatever happened.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Calista+12

When I was falling I felt "ok this is it" I was resigned to whatever happened.

I wonder if that is a common DID or non-DID reaction? Because that sounds to me like an observer reaction, is what my t calls it. A watcher. I have experienced this fairly frequently - ie often enough for it to be noticeably different.

I wondered about that, Hankster. I definitely felt like an observer, but when I felt the pain, it was oddly comforting. (At least until I actually got NO comfort from H)
Now I feel sad. Like a little kid that falls down in the playground and nobody seems to notice.

[unaluna]

Mosquito bites now almost give me panic attacks. I feel very ungrounded. I have calomine lotion and benadryl NOW, but its like my chest feels hollow and sad and empty and scared, like no one is taking care of me, because back then, no one did - all my little cousins and playmates were covered in pink lotion, but my family didnt have any. And i didnt ask.

Yeah...sometimes it seems we never ask.

[Fuzzybear]

Yeah, I didn't ask either