****TRIGGER*****

I woke in a rage. I have no idea why. My mind was spinning with the damage I was capable of. I went to the kitchen, and instead of the knife I was reaching for, I grabbed scissors. I beat myself black and blue. I still have no idea where the hate came from.

[atomicc]

I hope you are alright now Is there anyone you can call the next time you feel this urge?

Thank you. I am ok but this rage comes up out of the blue and I refuse to ask for help. My T knows but he is on vacation and only says "I hope you don't do that again." I don't know what exactly I wish he would say, but that isn't helpful.
My leg isn't swollen or black & blue now. Last time this happened, I punched a wall and broke my hand. At least I don't direct the rage at others.

If these meds don't take hold soon, I'll be In. A world of hurt later. I will beat the **** out of myself.