Need motivation to stop for good

So earlier today, I decided that I was completely DONE with SH, for good this time.
I really meant it too, when I first decided that. The problem now is that I've made this promise, and meant it, many times before.
I have issues where when I'm in a good place then I feel like I can just quit and never do it again, no problem. But then as soon as I'm in a not so good place again (which happens very easily and suddenly, usually with no warning) I want to cut or hit myself again.
I always "ration" it by telling myself that I deserve more scars, or that if I had more scars then people would notice and I could open up to them. (I know, it makes no sense to a rational mind, but when I'm in that mindset I'm not very rational).
Another thing I do is trigger myself. I'll be feeling good, but then I'll get bored and if I can't find anything to do then I look up pictures of SH and start to want to do it. Sometimes I can hold off a few days, but then the pressure just builds up and I breakdown again.
Also, I don't know why, but as some of my older scars start to fade I find myself feeling sad about that, as if part of my story is fading, and then I want to make more to replace the old ones. I know that's horrible, and most people on here would rejoice at having their scars fade. I don't know why I feel upset about it.

So basically, I need to find motivation to quit. My original motivation to quit was so that I could wear shortsleeves again. And that worked for about a month during the summer, until I moved to my thigh again. Now that summer is over, I'm afraid that I won't care about doing it on my arms since I'll be wearing longsleeves anyway, due to the whether.

I have never self harmed but I am a recovering addict. From everything I have read on PC I see it as very similar to addiction. Everything you describe would fit me to a tee if you just substituted self harm for drug. I have overcome my addictions but I needed a ton of help to do it. Maybe approaching it that way and see how people have overcome addictions might help. I don't know, just throwing it out there.

Zinco, thank you so much for your input! I've often thought of it as something similar to a drug or alcohol addiction, as my extended family has a sort of history with that kind of thing. However, no one in my immediate family has ever dealt with it, so I've never been directly exposed to that. So maybe this is my addiction? It certainly is a hard addiction to break, but I suppose it's a little easier to hide at times too.

May I ask what motivated you to recover? Did you get help from a therapist, or just family and friends?

I'm trying to convince myself to go to my college counseling office and make an appointment, but I'm extremely nervous, and I'm slightly afraid that I will get kicked out if they find out about the cutting. (We have a policy in the rule book that states that you can be kicked out for being a danger to others, or yourself).
I don't know that I can tell my friends about this, even though I'd really like their help. I love them to death, but I'm afraid that they won't understand, and our relationship would change and I couldn't stand that.

Hi 1MerinFan,

I commend you for seeking help from the counselors, but I can also understand your concerns. Could you or someone you trust perhaps call their office for clarification on the policy? If you weren't comfortable doing that, how about setting up a Yahoo, or gmail address just to contact that them that way for to see if it would be a concern?

Congratulations on the successes you've already achieved. My heart goes out to you.

I have found the best way to stop any negative coping skill is to not only want to stop, but to figure out what's motivating it in the first place and to address the reasons behind it. From your post, it sounds like you need to address some other stuff too (in regards to your statement of needing to open up to someone). Speaking to someone at the counseling center would be a good idea. As for the clause about being kicked out if you are a danger to yourself or others, perhaps contact the center and all about their confidentiality limits. My school had similar clauses, but I was able to see a therapist through health services. My school's clause was only upheld if someone was actively and imminently suicidal to the point of needing intensive intervention. I was actually even quite suicidal at the time, and still not kicked out. I worked with my therapist who agreed that me leaving school would cause more harm than allowing me to remain a student. She backed that up in writing multiple times when my ability to finish school was brought into question. I was not ever a danger to anyone else, so that was not an issue. I think it was also more lenient because I did not live on campus at the time. Definitely something to ask them about, as it's very dependant on the school and the situation.