[guilloche]

I'm sorry for even having to ask this.

I'm having a really bad time. Haven't done any serious si in many years, but I'm absolutely feeling like I'm just completely failing at life right now, and things are never going to get better. I feel so hopeless, and like there's no one who can help... and too many things that are broken. I can't see anything getting better.

Wanting to cut... alot. The one thing that's really stopping me, I'm doing regular (1x/month) massage these days, to help with fascia problems that cause alot of pain. I have 2 new massage therapists actually that I like and just started seeing in the last month or so. I'm scared that if I cut in a way they can see... it will totally freak them out.

Does anyone have any experience with this? Bad reactions from massage therapists who noticed? Sorry, I feel like it's such a stupid idiotic question... it's late here, and I'm just spinning out a bit. Rough night, crying. I'm actually going to get crawl into bed now I think and try to feel better hopefully after sleeping thanks...

[bluekoi]

guilloche, I'm glad massage therapy is helping with the pain. I'm sorry that I cannot be more helpful. I've never physically SI'd. In the past, I would mentally torture myself. I wish you well.

Use the massages as a reason not to SI. Try options
other than cutting.

[guilloche]

Thanks Bluekoi and Emwell2... I did ok. I think that I was in a bad place, because it was the night before 2 (after 2 weeks with no T), and I didn't want to go. Bad session last time and I wanted to quit... but missed the cancellation deadline. I walked in and handed him my check first thing, and wanted to just turn around and run away! But, I did ok... we did some good talking... I'm *still* not sure if he can help, but he was very stable and still not mad at me. Didn't talk about the SI stuff, but some other stuff... so I'm in a little better place now.

*** thank you! ***

Getting massages is one of the reasons i try hard to cut less. It helps. My masseuse has never said anything about my many scars though. She has always been very kind.