So after a year of no cutting, urges return...

Definitely check about the medicaid thing and transportation services offered. I live in a rural town with not much in it but the one thing they do have is transportation vans to take you to medical appointments and that's what I use.

I'm glad to hear you might be able to see a therapist. Self help can be good if you aren't already doing that. I know it can be hard though, especially when you're numb and don't believe you can be helped. It's a process. Unfortunately it can be a really long one. I understand that, I empathize with you.

Maybe this will help... Instead of Cutting...

Thank you all, for taking the time to help. I really appreciate it, very much.

Unfortunately, I called the clinic, and they said there isn't a kind of transportation service in my area. -drawn out sigh- It's frustrating. Here was something I had a lot of faith in. Seems I run into a brick wall no matter where I turn!

I would do this, except I don't really know or trust my neighbors... They seem either shady or unfriendly. I don't think I should trust any of them to drive me anywhere, especially not knowing them.

I am going to see about maybe doing some odd jobs, but the people in this town have so little money that they probably wouldn't be able to pay me for anything.

I am growing increasingly hopeless.


Thank you everyone, anyway, for helping me...just seems I'm in one of those impossible situations that can't get better.

Oh well, I might get desperate and just walk.

Thank you all!

That's too bad. Did you look up your state's dept. of Social Services?

You could ride a bike there or something?

I don't even own a bike - no money.

Any way you could earn money?

I just want to help you.

That's what I'm going to see about (making money).
Until then I might have to walk if I want help...but oh well.

Thank you.

Do you know how far of a walk it would be?

I'm impressed that you keep looking for ways to get help. I think you have to give yourself a good bit of credit for that.

Hey, how about the buses? You might be able to look up their schedules and where they stop, on the internet. Maybe it's not too far to the nearest stop.

I don't know if there's any churches that you feel comfortable visiting around you, but sometimes they can give a hand to their members.

It sounds like you're pretty stuck at home. Is that true? Are you stuck at home with your parents around all the time? That's happened to me before and it was really hard. It felt oppresive.

By the way, how are the urges, are they easing up some?

Pretty far for it being winter and cold. If it were spring/summer then it would be a pleasant walk, though long. It's all the way out on the edge of town.

I've thought about buses. I know they aren't expensive here, and I think I could manage to scrape enough change. I'd have to see about where they stop.

There a lot of churches in this town (one less than a block away, actually). Thing is, I'm not a Christian, and I struggle with belief in a higher power. I feel like if I went to a church they would preach their religion at me, quote some scripture, tell me to convert or something. Sorry if this offends you...

Yeah, I am pretty much stuck at home, with my parents.

Urges are still there...fighting them. Haven't given in yet.

How and when do your parents stock up on groceries? Maybe you could use that method to get to the clinic.

Usually he walks to the dollar store that is a few blocks away.

I have some good news though; two options opened today, as far as transportation goes. One, the bus is definately an option, as my mom got her disability check and payed me back half of what she & my dad owe me - which is more than enough for bus fare, if I choose to go that way. And another option; my grandpa finally got a new car. (His old one was totaled a few months back.) So now I can also ask him for rides and use my money to pay him. So now I just have to decide which to choose. But I will have a ride either way!

I feel a lot more hopeful now that I know I can at least get some help!

I've decided to ride it out until spring, as far as trying to make money goes - right now it is just too cold. In the spring I plan on going out, looking for odd jobs. Hopefully someone somewhere will be hiring by then. With getting help, I'll have a much better time surviving the winter, even if I'm stuck here in the meantime. Help is the biggest thing on my list right now. Then in the spring I will do as much work as I can, save up to get a cheap apartment (I don't even care if it's a dump) then after that I'll gradually save up for a car, learn how to drive, and get my license. It'll take a long time, and I probably won't be able to get out of this town for a few years at first, but now at least I know it's all going to be possible. Also I should see about getting my GED in the meantime. Maybe college is in the far future, after all this is done.

I hope to be moved out by this time next year. Now that doesn't seem quite so impossible!

-sigh- At least I have something now!

~ Thank you all!

That's really good news. I'm glad, now you hopefully won't be so imprisoned in the house.

Holy Cow! That's amazing! Things seemed so impossible and hopeless not that many posts ago. And you just kept at it! I hope I can remember this the next time I run into trouble.

I love hearing about your plans too. Thanks so much for making us part of the adventure.

Congratulations for getting that far. That is amazing. If you ever feel the urge to go back go on google and search alternatives to self harm. It can be very useful.
Everytime you feel like giving up think of how far you have come. You are amazingly strong to have come this far and I am proud of you.