[Ad Intra]

I'm confused. When I'm going to bed and when I wake up I think about suicide and SI, but I'm depressed. I'm a little bit sad but not really depressed. I'm confused about how I feel.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Ad Intra, maybe not depression but maybe it's a mixture of feelings you're having??? e.g. (although not necessarily!!) stress, frustration, agitation, anxiety............
Although if you were depressed it wouldn't necessarily have to show itself in the "classical" way...........it could show itself in those sorts of feelings as well as in the "sadness"...........
And depression can ease up at some times of the day for different people sometimes e.g. are you but more intensely at night and in the mornings????
Having said that you really don't necessarily have to be depressed to think about/have the urges to SI.............
And as for the thoughts of suicide...........depending on how "serious", direct or intense they are or actual intention..........maybe they aren't linked with depression??? e.g. if you're just wanting a break from things going on more than anything else, if you just want to feel there's an option if.........or if you've had some (more??) exposure of/recognition more of other people thinking about/attempting/doing it????
Naturally I've got to say if you think the thoughts of suicide may lead to actions then please get some professional help as soon as.............
But for the other "negative" (??) feelings maybe it could help identifying any triggers or things in your life you aren't comfortable with...........and working on some of those???
Maybe worth exploring things that may help with those feelings????
Just another thought though..........if you've SI'd before maybe what you're feeling in that respect is the addictive nature of it, maybe????
So just some thoughts..................

Alison