Why do I find it funny?

*** might be TW ***

Whenever I am self-destructive (starving, hitting myself, cutting, self-medicating,..) it makes me feel really good about myself. Like I am strong and nothing can hurt me. The more I hurt myself, the more I enjoy those feelings. My therapist often asks me about it and I have no problem telling her. I actually find it funny and make jokes about it, laugh,..

Does anyone experience anything like that, or did in the past? When I think about it I know it's a serious thing and not at all funny. I don't know why it's so amusing when it comes to harming myself.

I'm the same way, you're not alone!

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yes, totally!

i smile, laugh, get excited over it, it feels exactly like you said.. like i'm doing a good thing/ something that i should be doing.

i don't have the regrets though later, i know it's serious, and i know it can cause real damage, but i don't care. it's nothing less than i deserve

I laugh and smile too - I think for me though it's kind of when I'm anxious or nervous, kind of like a defence mechanism? (If you watch friends, it makes me think of Chandler when he always makes jokes in an awkward or anxious situation, that's kind of like me laughing about it).

Hi Sawyerr, do you think that for you it's about the "buzz" it gives you, the "release" of things leading up to it, the "relief"...........and naturally it's sometimes going to be hard, sometimes impossible to separate those feelings from feeling good about whatever brought them about particularly when not much else, if anything else brings those feelings............
Or maybe a power/control kind of thing where you can "breathe" again/be yourself, feel confident, feel more invulnerable..............
BUT you're absolutely right it IS self-destructive and you're worth so much more than that.........and if you can gradually find something not self-destructive that replaces/gives you the "positives" that SI gives you or even takes away the need for that, can't be wrong, hey??
So what you're feeling definitely makes sense, but just stick with the T or with getting help with it, yes?? There can be better ways.........

Alison

I smile and laugh the more I'm anxious about it. And sometimes it just feels good to sh...

Yep!
Tonight I was trying to burn my ankles with matches and it actually hurt! I had to stop.
That made me laugh because two days ago I burnt my arm and it didn't hurt!
Don't know why it's funny.... Maybe "feeling something" is a relief?

Here too. I will assume that is just part of my "I do not know my own emotions" issue........

I laugh, but I also downplay it. Like thurs at my therapists and told her it wasn't so bad, even though I have shredded my arms. Then I laughed like it wasn't a big deal.