TRIGGER WARNING

I will always be ALONE and having to fend for myself, no one gives a **** about me. I am unhappy and horrible and i hate it, i hate it i hate it i hate it, i am so miserable.

Therapy today made me feel better after... But i didnt get to say what i needed to say, i couldnt spit out the ****ing words, i feel so pathetic and horrible.

Why do i have to live? Why am i here? Why do i feel so inexplicably awful and WHY do i have to fight the urge to cut ALL THE ****ing TIME?

I dont kno what to do, i want to do my wrists but i dont want people to see, i'm so STUPID.

I am so FED UP with myself and so interminably miserable, im not even sure if i want to live anymore, why am i so STUPID? I HATE MYSELF

[Fuzzybear]

[bubbles00]

I'm so sorry you feel this way. Huggggssss

[ThisWayOut]

can you write those things down for T?
you are worth the fight hon. I know you just got out of inpatient recently, did they set you up with a step-down program? I know emdr is in the works, and you are able to see your T again, but did they offer any structure other than that? do you have contact with the crisis team? can you reach out to T between sessions?
when cutting is our "go-to" skill, it can be difficult to give up when overwhelmed again. it can be like an addiction, and a really difficult habit to break. what other skills did they teach you in the hospital? were you the one who make that skills box? (or am I thinking fo the wrong person). Do you ave anything other than the cutting that can bring you some comfort? I know you said you are alone in this, but I know you have family around, you have friends, and you have T. You also have us, and you can contact a crisis line if you need to.
You can do this. Yeah, it's hard, but you are not alone.
do any of the things in the stickied post about alternatives to self harm help you? if not, is there anything that has helped in the past? I know for me, talking to people (even if it's not about the struggles I'm having) helps bring me out of my head a bit. Could you put on some music and jump/dance around to it? do you like to color? how about journaling? Maybe writing out what you had wanted to say to T will help get a bit of relief? I know when I leave session feeling like I couldn't get to what I needed, writing sometimes helps.
You are NOT stupid or worthless or anything like that.

^ i see my care co-ordinator once a week... which is barely enough support. they offered me a step down program but it was being a daypatient in another unit, so of course i said no.
thankfully i had a better therapy session yesterday and i'm feeling a bit better than i did when i wrote that post. thank you so much for your kind words ThisWayOut, you have always been so helpful and supportive to me on PC.