[Ganganthefatman]

I tried reaching out for help about my self harm, but they deleted my thread. They also deleted my suicidal threads in the past when I was really wanting help.

I have some people I can talk to about anything, especially one in particular. But I don't like opening up to them, despite them wanting me to. The reason for that is because I feel like I'm annoying them with my issues. And I just don't want to drive them away with my depression. I don't know, it's just how I unfortunately am.

Well, to start off I've started cutting myself a couple months ago. I haven't done it in a while, but I want to so bad. There's just so much s--- going on here. My mom has convinced everyone she's associated with that I'm a psycho spoiled b----. Even those that have witnessed some of her malicious acts of pure retardation (including my f---ing brother) just blindly believe her, and they haven't even heard my side.

There are times when it get's to me, and others when it doesn't. But it's all a result of me holding it in. I just put on a neutral smirk, and pretend that what they say has no affect on me, but inside I'm going crazy to the point of slowly decaying.

When I cut, it hurts my girlfriend, and I feel really bad that it does. Which is why I feel terrible for planning to do it after I graduate job corps. It's just with everything I hold in, it has to come out eventually. This is just the way I happen to let it. I really hate lying to her, I can't stand it, but I've already decided to just hide it from her when I do it again. It just helps so much. But I feel like I should tell her. I feel she deserves to know but I just can't.

I feel like s--- so much. I can be happy for a bit, but then right back to depression.

Sorry if I typed too much. -_-

[Ganganthefatman]

I also don't even want to stop, and I feel so selfish and disgusting for it.

I'm sorry you are hurting.

[Khione]

I understand completely. I cut a few weeks ago after a long time without having to.

I suggest you talk to your girlfriend. I'm sure she would hate it if you kept it from her. I know my relationship has struggled because of my self-harming, but my boyfriend thanks me for telling him every time I do it. And he doesn't pressure me to stop either (if that's what you're worried about).

I think you should reach out to her, she should be there for you and understanding.

Best of luck and feel free to message me if you need to talk and don't want to "bother" your other friends.

[Ganganthefatman]

Originally Posted by Khione

I understand completely. I cut a few weeks ago after a long time without having to.

I suggest you talk to your girlfriend. I'm sure she would hate it if you kept it from her. I know my relationship has struggled because of my self-harming, but my boyfriend thanks me for telling him every time I do it. And he doesn't pressure me to stop either (if that's what you're worried about).

I think you should reach out to her, she should be there for you and understanding.

Best of luck and feel free to message me if you need to talk and don't want to "bother" your other friends.

The sad part is that she want's me to stop, but knows she can,t do anything about it. She is there for me, and she tries to be understanding. I don't know. I just can't stop. I want to do it again so bad.

[Crazy Hitch]

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