[lenjan]

Tomorrow is Mother's Day.

I'm a birthmom. Because I was young, alone, and didn't want to raise a child by myself on welfare, I placed my son for adoption after he was born. He turns 16 at the end of the month.

It was a closed adoption, so any contact had to be done through the agency and we weren't allowed any identifying information. Somehow, however, in mid-March or so his mom tracked me down. She and I have corresponded a bit, and she sent me a beautiful through-the-years photo album so I could see how he's grown. It's all been wonderful.

It took me years and years to get cool with Mother's Day, but I finally achieved it. Until today.

I wrote a story about my adoption experiences for my paper about a year and a half ago, and someone from the liturgy committee at my church emailed me and said she would make sure birthmoms got included in the Mother's Day liturgy, which they hadn't previously. So I appreciated that, and once 22,000 people knew my story, there was no point in hiding anymore, so I went up for the blessing at the end of Mass.

Today, everybody I ran into wished me happy Mother's Day. I managed to make it to my car before I lost it, but I sat in the parking lot for 10 minutes and sobbed. Apparently it looked pretty bad, because some old man I don't know came up and banged on my window to see if I was OK.

Anyway, now that I've bored you with all this, what I want to know is: When does cutting stop being the first thing you think of when you're overwhelmed? Has anybody here managed that yet? Because I'm really struggling right now, despite having tried healthier coping options, and I hate that it's still the first thing that comes to mind as relief.

Candy

<i>There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed. -- Peter Sellers</i>

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{{{Candy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Just a hug and thanks for sharing your story. I don't know when it stops being the first thing you think of, because I have not gotten to that point. Maybe when you have firmly established another coping method? But thinking about cutting isn't a terrible thing. You don't have to act on those thoughts, and when those thoughts appear you can replace them with something else. My T told me to think of a hymn instead when I'm thinking about hurting myself. Anything with a positive message to you would be good.

<font color=orange>"If we are going to insist that people pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, we must ensure that they have boots."</font color=orange>

[lenjan]

Thank you guys, for the compassion. I had somebody tell me today to "get over it, there are lots of people who have heartache today but you don't deserve to be one of them." I told her the next time she gives birth and then never gets to see the child again, she should let me know how well she handles it. Of course, this is the same chick who told another friend of ours when her ex died that because he was an alcoholic and had some other problems, he had lived a wasted life and was lucky to have died (direct quote). Charming woman.

Today wasn't quite as bad as yesterday. As a Mother's Day greeting, my son's adoptive mom (I should bag the qualifier; she's his mom, period) sent a couple new pictures, so that helped. I've already got them printed out and framed. :-)

I am so glad this forum is here to help survive the rough times. Thanks.

Candy

&lt;i&gt;There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed. -- Peter Sellers&lt;/i&gt;