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#1
May 05, 2004, 09:21 PM
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im elin aka smurfet,im 26 and have been cutting for 10yrs on and of,its the worst its ever been now.i come from a get on with it ,ignore it it will go away family,,u know the type??
i have been an unhappy bunny for as long as i can remember. i mean ive always hated life ,hated having to b here ,havin to perform in yhe charade we call'life' i never wanted to b here and have always dreamed of escaping,thats were the cutting came from ,iturned the hatred to myself after all its my fault im here,isnt it ,i have the power to go wen ever i likedont i? i allowed myself to self harm because i still had some hope at first tat i would reach adulthood and everytjing would fall into place ,but guess it didnt. i know i will never find it ,all i want now is peace ,i crave a nothingness i dont have to respond to ,be part of ,i can just b free from tis game ,everyoneis so eager to join in on. doc says ive untreated depresssion tat gone a bit haywire,not helped by the fact i cant take medz.its too tempting to have those drugs around,i tried to explain to him ,but he said if i dont or cant take tem he is stickin me in hospital ,he cant do tat ,,can he??? i should him my arms .some cuts were infected,itats wat prompted the threat. i dont know how to say 'their sa voice in my head pushing me to take them all,i try not to listen but i know it will win it always does.having medz.round is bad idea,i slashed my arms open last yr had to goto hospital 20 stitches,made up some crapp story,nurses wrent really bothered how it happened. tats me a lot of bull and drivil ,aa nobody among a infinite never ending gcasade of troubled souls. if life is joy ,happiness hopefulnesss then how can i be alive if i have none of these things???????????life is only wat u percieve it to b , for some a conflicting opposite to our demise ,death is the only true way we can diferentiate between the two |
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#2
May 05, 2004, 10:42 PM
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Perhaps a short stay in hospital to have medication regulated would not be a bad ideal. You might find that with the right meds you don't have voices telling you to take all the drugs or cut yourself up. I don't know but perhaps it would be worth a try?
Dalila
__________________
dalila Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere. -Erma Bombeck |
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#3
May 07, 2004, 02:43 AM
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Just want to say hiya (((((((((Hugs))))))))))
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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