[SweetCrusader]

Hey Everybody,

I'm struggling this morning. I tend to get caught in this trap of thinking that I'm a fake or just melodramatic or something. I've been dealing with some issues from the past that have been really hard on me, and I have a tendency to start minimizing the problems or thinking I'm just crazy when things get too tough. Anyway, I haven't cut myself in two years, although I have some other more minor self-harm problems. I was looking at my scars last night and I noticed how much they are faded. It really depressed me. I started thinking I didn't cut enough times, and I didn't cut deep enough. I've been having the urge for quite some time to start again, and the only thing that's been keeping me hanging on is the that I don't want to ruin the fact that I haven't in so long. But I really am feeling the need to prove to myself that I'm hurting, if that makes sense. Sometimes I don't believe I am, or that I have a right to hurt at all. Anybody have some advice?

Angela
(SweetCrusader)

"Blessed be the cracked, for they let in the light"
-Author Unknown

[cryingchild]

Art therapy is a very good way of expressing the hurt onto paper instead of yourself ,I do art therapy twice a week and It makes me feel so better and understand how Im feeling ,Without causing myself any harm in the meantime....

[Rapunzel]

(((((((((((((((((((((Angela)))))))))))))))))))))))))

It's always easier to tell give good advice to someone else than to yourself. Like you have told me and others, your pain and your feelings are real and legitimate, and you have a right to acknowlege them. I think that posting here is exactly the right thing to do when you feel like you need to prove that you are hurting, as you will find out through everyone's replies to you that we all accept you and accept that you are not being melodramatic. In fact, most of us have felt the same way ourselves. I know that I have.

I get depressed about my scars fading too much also. I need that proof that it really was that bad. Now I will refer you back to your reply to Carmen. Didn't you tell her that her feelings were real and legitimate, and that it isn't necessary to cut deeper in order to have deep feelings and pain, or for that to be real? Something like that, anyway.

Here's an idea. You could get a marker and trace over your scars so that you can see them better. I don't know if that would help you or not, but it does some people. Sometimes I want someone else to see my scars, as if that is necessary too in order for them to be legitimate. Would it help you to show them to someone you trust?

I admire your courage and your strength so much. Even though you hurt, you are giving of yourself to help other people and to further understanding of this problem. It is really admirable that you have made it two years without cutting! That is impressive! If you can hang on and stretch that to three years, and onward, so much the better. But even if you give in, I will not think less of you. I admire you for what you have accomplished and for what you will accomplish. You certainly do not have to prove anything to me.

Love,
Wendy


<font color=orange>"If we are going to insist that people pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, we must ensure that they have boots."</font color=orange>

[SweetCrusader]

Thanks everybody for your support. The urge to cut passed. It always does, but when I'm in the middle of it, I don't believe it will without me taking action... I feel like such a hypocrite sometimes because I believe that everybody's pain but my own is valid. I gotta kick that feeling!

Thanks again!
((((((((((((((((((Everybody))))))))))))))))))
Angela

"Blessed be the cracked, for they let in the light"
-Author Unknown

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Angela}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Just one more hug. I'm glad you made it through that, and hope that you feel better.


<font color=orange>"If we are going to insist that people pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, we must ensure that they have boots."</font color=orange>