[anothercliché]

With the deepest amount of sincerity I can give I do apologize for bothering you all as I realize that this probably is not really what this forum is about, but since I have been causing harm to myself in a physical fashion several times over the past few months I feel that there is no more appropriate forum.
As of late I've been getting angrier and angrier at games. I will admit that unfortunately I've always been a rather sore loser in the sense that 'd mope and grow rather depressed at losing but recently it's only been getting worse. Since I have no friends I've had my social interactions limited to online conversations with strangers, chat room discussions, and of course video games. The issue I now have is that, after two years of limited to nonexistent social contact I am beginning to cause myself harm when I fail, lose, or under perform or if my team does any of the preceding acts. If this happens repeatedly in a short span of time I lose control of myself and begin slamming my fists into the table furiously, which has caused bruising and lacerations. I also have a tendency to punch, slap, and dig into myself with my nails as a way of punishing such failings.
I realize that this may be a bit atypical as my specific brand of self harm (apart from being laughably childish and utterly stupid) is not due to depressive tendencies but rather fury but again I do not know of a better place to put this. What would your thoughts be on how I could stop being so angry that I actually hurt myself? (and please do not suggest I quit playing the game. While I am fully aware of the fact that that is obviously the most sensible thing to do my life is so utterly vacuous that I have little else to occupy my time)

[Fizzyo]

Hi anothercliche,

I do not consider you abnormal,

Possible trigger:

I have indulged in the same self injury behaviour as you describe

Hurting oneself is a way of coping with emotions, but though it is not helpful in the long term, it is understandable.
I am now trying to break the addiction I have developed to self injuring.
If you can find an alternative while you are relatively new to it, you may save yourself a lot of heartache in the future. There are exhaustive lists of alternatives, a few of which might be helpful.

I find the 15 minute rule helps me. I decide whether I will hurt myself when the urge is on me, or whether I will choose to hold off and do something else for 15 minutes, it's my choice, no one can make me do it and no one can stop me. If I still feel I want to hurt myself after 15 minutes, I make the choice again. At the moment I'm choosing mainly not to harm, but it's always my choice. If you want more information, try this link.

LifeSIGNS | user-led self-harm small charity

Best of luck!

[Skeezyks]

Hello anothercliche: I don't have any particular suggestions for you. I have also been self-abusive in the past. In fact, I have permanent physical problems related to self-abusive things I have done to myself in the past. In fact, in my case, that's what stopped me. Once I had done permanent damage to myself, I finally became scared enough to quit what I was doing.

Personally, I have allot of internal self-hatred that tends to come out both as self-abuse but also as short-temperedness. I've wondered sometimes if there is perhaps a physical component to it... some brain damage that occurred early in life that has caused me to be the way I am. I don't know. I do know that, when people sustain traumatic brain injuries, the ability to control impulses is often affected.

Anyway, I wish you all the best with your efforts to get to the bottom of your difficulties. Hopefully you will be able to resolve your issues before you do some permanent damage to yourself the way I did.

[Fizzyo]

❤️