[ilikecats]

I've been self harming lately, and I'm getting worried. The first time I did it was quite a few years ago, and I just scratched my wrist. It tore the skin, but didn't bleed or anything, and after that one time I never did it again. Until a few weeks ago, when I did it again. I told my therapist about it, and she asked me if it bled, and I said no, and she didn't say anything else. Since then, I've scratched it a couple more times, and I started cutting. The cutting isn't super deep, and although it does bleed, it usually stops pretty quickly. But I'm worried that it'll keep getting more and more serious. I used to think I'd never cut, because I was scared, but now I am cutting. And while right now I don't think I'll ever cut deep, I'm worried that eventually I could. I've also started making myself throw up. I've tried it maybe five times, but I've only been able to make myself do it twice, and not much came out. The other times I tried to, but all I did was gag and cough and drool. Anyways, I'm just worried about how my self harm has been increasing, and I was wondering what you guys think. I know I should probably try to stop, but honestly I enjoy cutting and I like trying to throw up because it makes me feel less guilty about eating too much. So I don't even want to stop, even though I know it would be healthier if I did. What do you think?

[lowinmood]

you are probably using cutting and throwing up as coping mechanisms, but unhealthy coping mechanisms end up becoming coping traps, and you'd end up in a pickle and end up needing to find other coping mechanisms to cope with the coping traps,

get support for this soon, eitherwise, you'll end up being trapped by them in the future. If you get help now, they will be easier to deal with, later on and it becomes a lot harder.

I agree to get support or find another coping skill. Cutting has caused me scars that I am really embarrased by. I wish to God I had never ever done it.

[Fizzyo]

Originally Posted by ilikecats

I've been self harming lately, and I'm getting worried. The first time I did it was quite a few years ago, and I just scratched my wrist. It tore the skin, but didn't bleed or anything, and after that one time I never did it again. Until a few weeks ago, when I did it again. I told my therapist about it, and she asked me if it bled, and I said no, and she didn't say anything else. Since then, I've scratched it a couple more times, and I started cutting. The cutting isn't super deep, and although it does bleed, it usually stops pretty quickly. But I'm worried that it'll keep getting more and more serious. I used to think I'd never cut, because I was scared, but now I am cutting. And while right now I don't think I'll ever cut deep, I'm worried that eventually I could. I've also started making myself throw up. I've tried it maybe five times, but I've only been able to make myself do it twice, and not much came out. The other times I tried to, but all I did was gag and cough and drool. Anyways, I'm just worried about how my self harm has been increasing, and I was wondering what you guys think. I know I should probably try to stop, but honestly I enjoy cutting and I like trying to throw up because it makes me feel less guilty about eating too much. So I don't even want to stop, even though I know it would be healthier if I did. What do you think?

A familiar dilemma!!

Self injury is an addictive behaviour and one I'm attempting to quit. The trouble is you're right, the more you do, the more you need to do. The severity that was enough becomes not enough.

In many ways I don't want to stop, but I don't want to go back for dressings and cauterising and the scars are awkward. How do you answer a curious child about scars?
I like the high I get and the release of pressure, but I don't like the craving to do more and more as time goes on.

If you're worried, maybe that's a sign that it's a good time to try to stop before the behaviour is completely ingrained????

I suppose what I want to say, when I first SI'd, I didn't dream it was addictive, or the difficulty of breaking the habit, I just wanted a way to cope and now it's as much a problem as a saviour.

Whatever you do, I wish you well.
Be kind to yourself, you DESERVE it!

[ilikecats]

Thank you all so much for the support. I'm planning to talk to my T about it and I hope to get help before I become too addicted.

[Fizzyo]

I hope it goes well and constructively for you.

Originally Posted by ilikecats

Thank you all so much for the support. I'm planning to talk to my T about it and I hope to get help before I become too addicted.

that would be good if you do that

let us know how it goes

[ilikecats]

So I have an update. I told my T about the cutting and throwing up, and she helped give me ideas of other things I can do instead. She also said that if I have the urge to do it, I can text her and we can work through it together. I'm glad I told her about it, and I hope everything works out

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by ilikecats

So I have an update. I told my T about the cutting and throwing up, and she helped give me ideas of other things I can do instead. She also said that if I have the urge to do it, I can text her and we can work through it together. I'm glad I told her about it, and I hope everything works out

That's great that you told her. It sounds like she's being very supportive, especially her saying you can text her if you feel the urge.

[Fizzyo]