[PasDeDeux]

Hi, I know two people who SI and I seldom know what to say. I feel bad they are hurting and maybe can't express it in words as well as they can be SI. I don't want to say something inane like STOP...or DON'T because I am sure if they knew how they would. Do you have anything you would like people to say to you or think would be helpful that you can share? Thank you ahead

[lenjan]

"I'm sorry you're hurting, is there anything I can do to help?" works just fine. I prefer people not to mention the SI (if it's done on an obvious place) because then I feel the need to defend it. The worst is people who say, "You know, by hurting yourself, you're hurting me." No. I'm not. I'm hurting myself. I'm not giving anybody else a second's thought when I do it, and it's not meant to distress other people, it's meant to help me at that moment. The last thing I need is a guilt trip.

[Christine329]

It is nice that you want to help but in all honesty, just understanding of SI is help enough for me. My husband understands why I SI. He never says anything to me about it because it has been how I cope since I was a young teen. If I can find something to replace it then I would but I have not found anything yet. As for your friends just make sure they stay safe. Offer an ear but understand and don't push when your ear is not enough and they turn to SI. I hope your friends stay safe and good luck to you. I know it is hard to not say anything about it but in my case it would be the best thing.

[Direction]

I agree with Candybear and Christine...I can't add much right now other than a don't...Don't ask "what happened to your (insert part of body)" as I think you probably know the answer...and "did the cat do it?"

[lenjan]

Totally agree with Direction! That's actually a big reason I started SI'ing on places that aren't visible when I'm clothed. It's too hard to come up with a lie on the spur of the moment when somebody asks "what happened to you?" and I feel like I'm being rude if I say, "none of your business."

[Irine]

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Direction said:
"did the cat do it?"

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

hey that was my excuse once when i was asked what`s happened to your hand.......damn why it`s so funy to remember.

i hope i am not being rude but the on thing i sould say to someonce who does SI is find yourself a good psychologist.
i agree with other posters here, but i also think that we can` t really imporve the situation. of course support of friends is an important thing. but there are certain things that are better left to the professionals.

[Rapunzel]

Another thing is to remember the difference between the support that you can give as a friend, and techniques that a professional might use. For example, when my husband complains about how I hurt him by injuring myself, or talking about injuring myself, that really makes me mad because he's taking something that I am hurt about so much that that's the only way that I know to manage it, and disregarding and invalidating my feelings and making it all about him. It's not about him, it's about me feeling hurt or overwhelmed and trying to cope with it. But I guess it's different when my T points out that other people are affected by my actions, and they do get hurt if I hurt myself, because they care, and because they are forced to live in fear of what I might do next. What is not helpful from friends or family might have a positive impact when applied therapeutically. Don't try to be a therapist. Just be there and let them know that you do care. You could encourage them to get help from a professional, because you care and want them to be safe and feel better. But don't try to fix it for them and don't make it about you.

Thanks for being a good friend and wanting to help your friends.

Rap

[Irine]

Rap, that`s exactly what i say! you can`t be a therapist forsome1 you know,,,i think even if you ARE a therapis,,,you can`t if it`s some1 you know and care for because you won`t be objective.

i thnk that the reason for that fact that you feel dfferennt when the T talks about it is becasue she doesn`t have this emotions, nerves behind the words. she is bein objective.