[PointOfNoReturn]

Just listening to loud music, typing this to occupy my hands. Internet is being **** so won't load any chats which means I have resorted to typing this, no osea if I will even send it.. Guess I did if you are reading this. I would recommend you stop reading I expect this post is a rather pointless one for sharing information or whatever. If the 'you' reading this is one of those people tracking me you can piss off because you won't get anything out of me on this post, nice try though. Don't track this IP you won't get anywhere with that, is meaningless information. Sorry occupying hands because otherwise I might start doing things I have told myself not to. Surfing the urge or however someone else phased it in another post on here. Kinda wonder if there is a length of post limit on this site. I hate that written records stay forever, and what I type is being collected via keyboard malware by the people watching me. They don't know I know they are watching me. And this is not proof of it because they don't know who I am when I type this, they watch lots of people, so they may suspect me but they won't know for sure, so long as they don't know for sure I'm ok. I'm stressed out for some reason, don't know why exactly.. Probably the urges, I know SI isn't addictive literally, but it sure feels like it sometimes. When you get the images in your head that just play over and over again and they don't stop and it's begging you, literally begging you to just stop being so uptight and give in already caus eyiu know it's only a matter of time and it's so easy to make all the urges just go away and then you can be calm because you let them win a small battle. Telling you it's only once, just a small ****ing thing, not really worth fighting it, just wasted effort. They put these thoughts in my head play these ****ing images I don't know where they came from or who made them or who's controlling it. ****ing sucks. If I had better Internet this would be easier, could just distract myself on a chat or something but no, just happen that the Internet is slow just when I'm like this. I am making a mistake in writing this and sending it. I think I will press send, for the sake of reading it later, see ifni am making any sense. If you are reading this still you are wasting your time, as I am wasting mine by being here. Honestly, slightly scared to stop typing right now. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, on the plus side I have no tools to use, being too ****ing disorganised to even have that as an escape. Which likely means I would resort to the good ol' fashioned biting if I do snap any further than this. Unfortunately hiding tools isn't something that works for me. Still frustrating I don't know where they went... Just gonna keep typing.. For a little longer.. Then I will turn off the music and listen out for movements, downside of loud music is I don't think I would hear if anyone broke in or something. Which I don't like. But music helps, brings in more distraction. There you go, anyone who read this, music helps as a distraction, maybe you got something put of this after all. Still conflicted about pressing send. Actually hoping nobody read this, I would copy and paste it to another notes page or something but if it's on a clipboard then that's another place on my hard drive this would be saved and ten it would be easier to link to me, so it's here or no where. I will send it, can always report myself and delete it later by reporting myself.. I think that's how it's done, I can find out later if needed. Brains need an off switch.

[Fizzyo]

[Fizzyo]